Like everybody, I’m working on this one and usually prefer not to have it. We often see conflict as a negative thing. It’s bad and we don’t want it. And it’s easy to see why. War, death and destruction come to mind. In our everyday lives though conflict happens all the time and we still only tend to see the negative aspects of this and I would like to share a different side.
Conflict just “is”. What it does do for sure, is change the status quo of what is happening. When conflict happens nothing is going to be the same again; it mixes and shakes things up. Sometimes this is necessary to learn something new about the other person; sometimes it’s necessary to learn something deep within ourselves. Sometimes conflict is necessary to make room for bigger and better things and set you on an entirely different course you never would have otherwise.
Questions to ask after a conflict: How did I act as the conflict was taking place? Did I maintain my integrity and my love and warmth and understanding for others or did I lash out? Was I focused on a solution or did I get distracted on trying to hurt the other person because of my own hurt feelings? Did I maintain belief in myself that I will be okay regardless of the situation? Was I speaking from a place of forgiveness?
If you feel you need to run from conflict or avoid it completely, then you could be in for some very troubling times when it comes to others and any relationship. Trust yourself in times of “battle”, hold steady, don’t let the other person break who you are and what you want to stand for in this world. A trick to getting better at conflict and to see what lessons are really to be learned, is to sit with the conflict- stall it- let the tension exist without acting (unless you are in potential physical danger of course then remove yourself). In this moment of tension lots of great wisdom can be gained. Try it and see for yourself how you can grow when conflict comes up again in your life. It might just contain the next great life lesson for you.