Online Dating Tips & Etiquette

I’m guilty of some of these at times – hello, alcohol! That being said, we can all use reminders for a lot of things in life:

  1. No Response is a Response

Guys, we get it. How could anybody turn YOU down? You have everything that anybody could ever want. That being said, if somebody doesn’t respond back, it means they aren’t interested, or, maybe they are simply just too busy to reply. This is not the time to take it as a personal attack, nobody is out to get you, and NO, THEY DO NOT OWE YOU A RESPONSE EVEN IF YOU MESSAGE JUST TO COMPLIMENT THEM. Nobody owes you anything; especially a return response from some random stranger messaging online behind a computer, or on a phone. If you have a previous relationship in some sense then it is okay to expect a response. News flash: this is the online world, not the real world. If you get hurt enough to react with an angry message from a no response, or continue messaging them over and over again, you have way bigger self-esteem issues on your hands. Instead of getting angry at the no response, try thinking “how can I empower myself so this small stuff never bothers me again?” If they consistently show this behavior it should really be easy to move on. Do you really want a partner or friend, who ignores you?

  1. Don’t hit on anybody you wouldn’t say hi to in person

This would save a lot of problems online. Guys, if we only meet people through the online world we deny ourselves the opportunity to develop real social skills needed in relationships and intimate situations. If you don’t have the courage to go up to somebody and strike up a conversation, maybe its best you pass on this particular hottie. Continually going for people online that we think deep down are going to turn us down causes our self-esteem to crumble with every rejection. If, though, this rejection is at least done in person, we actually build up real resistance and confidence, which moves us forward in life making it easier to approach the next person. We also develop the ability to check our anxiety and relax in similar future situations.

  1. Don’t assume people know what you want

People are on here for all different reasons. Get to the point of what you are after.  Guys, do your best to compartmentalize dating apps away from Facebook messenger or other social media messengers. Is this a friend messaging me on a hook up app? Why? Oh the awkward world of online dating.

  1. Market what you want

Somebody once pointed out to me that if I want a romantic relationship then maybe I shouldn’t have a shirtless profile pic as my first impression. After thinking about it, I couldn’t agree more. There are many examples of guys saying they want one thing but then do another and it can get really confusing quickly.  As a side note: never ever send your butthole to anybody EVER. WTF!! Yes it has happened to me. Same goes for the special D shot unless it is discussed and asked for first. How rude and usually GROSS!

  1. Respect yourself

Anytime we are lashing out at strangers online we are not respecting ourselves. Get over it, gurl. Move on. Life is too short.  If you have any notes in your profile that are racist etc., you are not only disrespecting other people on there, in my opinion you are also disrespecting yourself. Anything you put out into the universe has one big boomerang effect. Hi Karma! How have you been?

  1. Cat Fishing – Who does this?!

I just don’t understand this. I have had a few fake profiles of me out in the world. It makes me feel all sorts of things: Flattered? Ugh not really. It’s more invasive than anything. It’s totally sad, and desperate, that anybody would think they would have to succumb to this to get any attention and love in the world. Looks aren’t everything! When you stop judging yourself, and the world, on looks alone; you will find its doors open wide to you.  Love yourself first, and this means putting the real you out in the world and developing your confidence to the point where nobody can ever bring you down. Ever.

For more information on how to develop your self-confidence, get more dates, and raise your AQ®,  visit www.studtraining101.com

The First Step to becoming a STUD

The First Step to becoming a STUD

I have been racking my brain, meditating, and asking my business coaches and friends: what is the piece that I am missing here? I have clients that take my course and people are buying my books but why is it just trickling in when I feel like people should be knocking down my door? As far as I know I’m the only guy in the world that can GUARANTEE my clients will have a DRAMATIC INCREASE in their self-confidence, and where it really matters to us.

90% of my clients have a significant relationship within a year of taking my course. 90 freaking percent! The other 10% you mention? Yup, well after taking my course they decided that they would finally live it up and ENJOY their single life for maybe the first time in their lives.  It still blows my mind.  I know guys that are getting married or are now living with their partners and it lifts me the fuck up knowing I had even if just a little piece of setting them on that path.

BUT, they all did the first step to becoming a STUD before I even spoke to them. This is really what started to change their lives.

So what the fuck are we waiting for? What is this first step!?

THE FIRST STEP TO BECOMING A STUD IS BEING MAN ENOUGH AND COURAGEOUS ENOUGH TO RECOGNIZE WE NEED HELP AND THEN TAKE ACTION. EITHER BY SEEKING OUT INFORMATION OR FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON WHO HAS THE KNOWLEDGE WE NEED TO CHANGE AND GROW. WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT THINGS ARE NOT WORKING, AND THAT IF WE DO NOT CHANGE THEY NEVER WILL.

STUDs all have one thing in common: they realize they don’t know it all and never can. They have the ability to check their ego enough to investigate and then soak up information they need to get bigger, faster, better, stronger, wiser, more passionate, become a better lover, ANYTHING.

Remembering back in my desperate and lonely days, this was the thing that changed my life.  I remember thinking, Is this all there is to life? Is this as good as it gets? Then it hit me, some people out there are living happier, healthier, better lives. They seem to always have women or men after them and they seem to really be happy and fulfilled. I had to find out how they were doing it. So I summoned the courage, and for me, I started to read books on confidence, relationships, dating, spirituality, happiness – and to this day, I STILL READ AND AM STILL LEARNING about all of these same things.

So. Are we willing today to take the FIRST STEP TO BECOMING A STUD? ARE WE WILLING TO ADMIT WE DO NOT KNOW IT ALL? Are we willing to admit that we are all teachers in this universe but as well we are all learners at times?

We can do this.  We can step out of our comfort zones today and say, “alright, I’m here. Now let’s learn something and then never stop learning.”

Trust me it will be one of the best decisions of your entire life.

For more information please visit www.studtraining101.com

 

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Negative

Don’t you just love those guys who are always writing bitchy comments on twitter, facebook and youtube about how horrible and disgusting everybody ELSE is? Isn’t slamming the latest celebrities bad photo op, performance or video SEXY? Or how much does it turn you on when you hear those same guys making sure they get in on the latest slam band wagon and rip apart Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber and other celebrities sometimes HALF their age and experience, from their very protected from society safe place, at home?

People LOVE dating negative people, having bitchy friends that are always complaining, and prefer working with people who are known to seek revenge don’t they?

It’s not hard to have picked up on the Captain Obvious sarcasm and rhetorical questions and realize the oh so obvious point I am trying to make. Guys, the whole “bring everybody down with your oh so not clever remarks bitchy gay guy” hasn’t been interesting, attractive or wanted since maybe the 90’s. The problem with it is this: every life coach, successful, or happy person has now realized that when negativity comes out of their mouth in any form, it’s ALMOST ALWAYS a reflection of actually how THEY are feeling about THEIR OWN life and struggles. You cannot convince me that people that make a living or spend most of their time slamming (online bullying) others (and are serious about it comedians get a pass) are gonna end up dating or having any real relationship with the hot, happy, sexy and successful guy in the room. You know, the guy who HAS BETTER and MORE INTERESTING things to do with their time.

Yes, people should have and make an opinion when warranted and pop culture can and should be fun to chat about and comment on! But have some tact and respect for yourself, your community and the people you are talking about. The comedic pics and edited videos that end up surfacing on the internet making fun of pop culture are at least creative and entertaining!! These in my opinion are worthy and sometimes freaking hilarious.

I’m not immune to expressing negative behaviours at times of course myself. I had some low times last month in July and had a friend come take me out to cheer me up. After gossiping and chatting negatively about the world and some people we know I caught myself. OUCH> The realization hurt and hit home. When had I become “bitchy gay guy?” I knew I had work to do, ON MYSELF and MY LIFE, not on the others I had mentioned. I apologized to my friend and luckily for me we are close enough for him to know I didn’t mean those things and they were out of character.

Are you “bitchy gay guy” also known in the slang world as a modern “fag” (a term which I personally despise)? If so, it must suck whatever you are going through and I hope you can find the courage to get your life on a path towards happiness. I promise when you do you will be shocked at how much your words and actions towards others, change for the better as well. Maybe your happiness starts by doing the reverse. Only you can find this out for yourself. Try being a better, and more likeable, interesting person rather than just trying to bring others down to your level, I dare you.

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Your Opinion

Know when to have an OPINION….

Remember that last guy you met and might have even dated that was “too nice”??? He was amazing, so nice, put together, easy on the eyes… but something was missing. To put it frankly, you don’t want to jump his bones and you don’t know why.

Well it could be few things. One issue it might be was that he doesn’t ever give his opinion. I would bet a gazillion dollars that nice guy would constantly say things such as (especially when it comes to things like deciding on restaurants, entertainment, activities):

“I don’t care, whatever you want”

“Doesn’t matter”

“I’ll have whatever you have”

These might seem harmless when you first read them and I’m sure every single one of us says them from time to time. I’m not saying they should NEVER be said and you should never go with the flow; I’m saying you should be conscious of if you say them often. Saying things like “it doesn’t matter” all of the time when it comes to decisions between two people starts to unconsciously translate as:

“My opinion is not as important as yours (so I’m not as important as you so why the hell are you hanging around me)”

“I’m not man enough, powerful enough, or confident enough to make decisions”

“I don’t care (about anything really)”

“I avoid my thoughts and feelings and would rather have you deal with them”

“I’m not willing to share with you my thoughts and feelings about even these tiny matters and essentially who I really am with you”

These might sound a little harsh. But we hang out and communicate with others because we like to have experiences-we like to LEARN something so we can grow and develop. If you are constantly saying “it doesn’t matter” and not giving an opinion on subjects, life, and activities, you consistently lose the opportunity to show somebody something new. You lose the opportunity to make an impact. You lose the opportunity to teach. HOW SELFISH of you also!! (Hello one sided relationship).

You don’t have to be a dick about giving your opinion or make judgements and force to get your own way all of the time; but just giving and having your opinion opens yourself up to others and shows that you matter.

What you think MATTERS. What you like MATTERS. What you have experienced MATTERS. So next time, make sure this is what you are presenting to the world- that you are special, you are important and that you matter.

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3 ways to have better times at Pride

1. Get involved. Contributing your time and energy to a cause greater than yourself has numerous rewards. It’s a great way to meet people, become part of a team, and you get to see from the inside what pride is really all about. There are many opportunities to get involved; donating your time to help with events, walking in the parade, to name a few. Have a special talent? This is the perfect opportunity to share. Even going out of your way to dress up in a crazy costume to walk down the street can be a way to contribute as peoples face light up with joy and possibly more depending on what you wear (or choose not to wear). As my friend likes to say “what are YOU bringing to the party.”

2. Stop chasing a scene or a potential lover and focus on having fun with your friends. I screwed this one up on Thursday night as I texted my night away and bounced from bar to bar hoping for more excitement. This is a horrible way to spend a night. Only YOU can control how much fun you are having. Once you start to look outside of yourself for fun and entertainment- you and your night are DONE. Look at the people you went out with and get engaged. Get interested. Ask questions and actually LISTEN for the answers. BE FUN and EXCITING; don’t look for it and it will arrive naturally to you. Focusing on meaning and purpose will ALWAYS pay off.

3. Love yourself and your body and quit comparing yourself to others. Next time you hear yourself saying anything such as -“I am too old for Pride, I am too fat for Pride, I don’t look like those guys, I am too skinny to fit in, or I don’t know what to say to guys I think are hot” – I want you to replace them with and tell YOURSELF instead “WELL THEN YOU CAN JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!”, particularly say it in Chris Tuckers voice really loudly! You need to SHUT UP that tiny, insecure, negative, bitchy voice that keeps you from having fun. Tell those negative thoughts to “SHUT THE FUCK UP” and then replace them with something empowering. Only you can control your attitude and thoughts, and that will solely determine the impact of the experiences you want to have. It’s your life. Live it for you because you definitely deserve it.

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Courage

Fear holds us back from most things in life. Not just fear of failure but usually fear of success. When we succeed, things have to change and that can be hard to visualize and be at peace with the lack of control; so we sometimes get stuck in a cycle of making the same mistakes and taking the same actions over and over again, keeping us where we are comfortable, which can eventually feel depressing. This is where courage comes in.

Each of us has a hero inside of us waiting to come out. Maybe we don’t have to save the damsel in distress from a burning building, but our individual paths call for courage, every single day. Our level of happiness is completely dependent on how willing we are to face our own individual challenges. Something as simple as calling up a loved one can be uncomfortable and terrifying for some while others see it as joy and do it often. Some can get up in front of an audience and speak and maybe even sing while others cringe at the thought of it while they hide in the back row avoiding to be called upon. But somehow the path we have chosen has set up individual challenges for us to go through. When we succeed in our own tests, we move forward to a more comfortable, happier place in life- with brand new challenges awaiting us. When we focus just on our own challenges in our personal lives, we open up opportunities. When we become our own hero, the world changes around us through our new perspective.

So today, right now, be the hero in your own life. Take control over your own happiness. Call that friend you have lost touch with you would like to reconnect with, forgive somebody to take the stress off yourself, do one thing outside of your comfort zone, take one small action step towards your new and improved life.

“The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them”- Einstein

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Conflict

Like everybody, I’m working on this one and usually prefer not to have it. We often see conflict as a negative thing. It’s bad and we don’t want it. And it’s easy to see why. War, death and destruction come to mind. In our everyday lives though conflict happens all the time and we still only tend to see the negative aspects of this and I would like to share a different side.

Conflict just “is”. What it does do for sure, is change the status quo of what is happening. When conflict happens nothing is going to be the same again; it mixes and shakes things up. Sometimes this is necessary to learn something new about the other person; sometimes it’s necessary to learn something deep within ourselves. Sometimes conflict is necessary to make room for bigger and better things and set you on an entirely different course you never would have otherwise.

Questions to ask after a conflict: How did I act as the conflict was taking place? Did I maintain my integrity and my love and warmth and understanding for others or did I lash out? Was I focused on a solution or did I get distracted on trying to hurt the other person because of my own hurt feelings? Did I maintain belief in myself that I will be okay regardless of the situation? Was I speaking from a place of forgiveness?

If you feel you need to run from conflict or avoid it completely, then you could be in for some very troubling times when it comes to others and any relationship. Trust yourself in times of “battle”, hold steady, don’t let the other person break who you are and what you want to stand for in this world. A trick to getting better at conflict and to see what lessons are really to be learned, is to sit with the conflict- stall it- let the tension exist without acting (unless you are in potential physical danger of course then remove yourself). In this moment of tension lots of great wisdom can be gained. Try it and see for yourself how you can grow when conflict comes up again in your life. It might just contain the next great life lesson for you.

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Connected

Your state of consciousness may just be the single most important factor in attracting and maintaining any sort of relationship. When we feel engaged and connected with the universe people can’t help but feel at ease around us and want to be around us. Ever wonder why people say “it will come when you least expect it??” What they really mean is- it will come when you are fully engaged, happy and connected with life. When you are connected and engaged people are attracted to you and don’t even know why.

What do I mean by this?
To help explain this it might be easier to show what NOT to do first. Take for example; you are at a party and somebody has had WAY too much to drink, how attractive do they really look as a long term partner or friend, do you really want to be babysitting them?? The same goes for anybody who is constantly “unconscious”, unengaged, or disconnected it could also be called. Ex. The person who is on facebook or grinder all the time- disconnected. Ex. the person high on weed all the time- also disconnected. Drinking booze every day? Also disconnected. The more we ‘disconnect’ the further we get away from what we are really looking for in life- to feel whole and feel like a part of something. I’m not just talking at the level of addiction, I’m talking at every level and moment we are NOT connected. The more we are distracted in some sort of activity or way, the FURTHER we are from where we want to be and to the people we want to be with.
So how do we change this? First off we have to recognize how we escape in daily life- ALL of the ways and yes there are ALOT!! TV that’s mind numbing, books or magazines that don’t teach us anything, caffeine, cigarettes, prescription drugs, drugs and alcohol are the most common. The more we use these as a crutch for boredom or to numb our feelings (which whether we realize it or not is most of the time) the further we get away from those awesome feelings of connectedness with the world and the more we repel others.

What’s the opposite of this?? Meditation and engaging in fun and interesting engaging activities. Yes there is a reason why meditation has been around for so long and continues to grow. When in a state of real meditation you are connected to the universe. You have a sense of AWARENESS and are conscious of what is happening around you. People are drawn to you. And even better, when in a state of pure meditation it is possible you DONT even feel the NEED to be physically near others. The same feelings of love, connectedness and wholeness can be attained through pure meditation alone. This is why meditation is the best cure for loneliness, getting over a crush or ex, or dealing with any uncomfortable feelings. Meditation synchronizes you to the universe.

So get out in the world, learn something new. Engage fully in your life whether you are by yourself or with somebody else; pay attention, listen, and watch how your life slowly begins to change.

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Tension

I’m discovering being comfortable with our uncomfortableness is the key to making any sort of relationship and keeping it; if we do so desire. When we meet some people we are instantly at ease. These people may become friends or acquaintances we will speak to from time to time in the odd social setting. Funny though, when it comes to people we want to date this isn’t often the feeling we look for first. We prefer excitement, tension, and uneasiness. Will this person like me? Am I even in ‘their league’? If I call them will they bother calling me back? This is awesome! It’s important to sit with this for a moment; at first when we meet a potential dating/sex partner we LOVE the tension, excitement and unease, but this can quickly change. This unease can be fun at first but then can get exhausting, thought consuming and can lead to anxiousness if things don’t develop close or fast enough with our conscious or subconscious “expectations.” And this is what sets a STUD apart from the rest; the ability to deal with this uncomfortableness and uncertainty. A person who is confident, knows what he wants and where he is going has an easier time, and perhaps even will ENJOY this tension while he gets to know this potential other to see if it will be something worth continuing. On the other hand, a person who isn’t confident finds the tension in the times apart from this potential partner NOT FUN. They are anxious for things to move forward and move to a place of CERTAINTY where they know where things stand and if they will be valued. Well the problem is- nothing in life is certain. And in fact most of the best things in life come from reveling in this area of uncertainty and uncomfortableness. We don’t just see this in relationship building. I’m starting to see this everywhere. The next time you meet a special interest or potential friend remember these initial feelings and what you think that person brings to your life. Don’t be so quick to act or move through it to a place of “emotional safety”. This tension helps us become stronger people and some of the characteristics of it can bring great learning and joy to our lives.

To build up your self confidence and happiness please email chris@studtraining101.com for info on course or to ask a related question