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Conflict

Like everybody, I’m working on this one and usually prefer not to have it. We often see conflict as a negative thing. It’s bad and we don’t want it. And it’s easy to see why. War, death and destruction come to mind. In our everyday lives though conflict happens all the time and we still only tend to see the negative aspects of this and I would like to share a different side.

Conflict just “is”. What it does do for sure, is change the status quo of what is happening. When conflict happens nothing is going to be the same again; it mixes and shakes things up. Sometimes this is necessary to learn something new about the other person; sometimes it’s necessary to learn something deep within ourselves. Sometimes conflict is necessary to make room for bigger and better things and set you on an entirely different course you never would have otherwise.

Questions to ask after a conflict: How did I act as the conflict was taking place? Did I maintain my integrity and my love and warmth and understanding for others or did I lash out? Was I focused on a solution or did I get distracted on trying to hurt the other person because of my own hurt feelings? Did I maintain belief in myself that I will be okay regardless of the situation? Was I speaking from a place of forgiveness?

If you feel you need to run from conflict or avoid it completely, then you could be in for some very troubling times when it comes to others and any relationship. Trust yourself in times of “battle”, hold steady, don’t let the other person break who you are and what you want to stand for in this world. A trick to getting better at conflict and to see what lessons are really to be learned, is to sit with the conflict- stall it- let the tension exist without acting (unless you are in potential physical danger of course then remove yourself). In this moment of tension lots of great wisdom can be gained. Try it and see for yourself how you can grow when conflict comes up again in your life. It might just contain the next great life lesson for you.

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Tension

I’m discovering being comfortable with our uncomfortableness is the key to making any sort of relationship and keeping it; if we do so desire. When we meet some people we are instantly at ease. These people may become friends or acquaintances we will speak to from time to time in the odd social setting. Funny though, when it comes to people we want to date this isn’t often the feeling we look for first. We prefer excitement, tension, and uneasiness. Will this person like me? Am I even in ‘their league’? If I call them will they bother calling me back? This is awesome! It’s important to sit with this for a moment; at first when we meet a potential dating/sex partner we LOVE the tension, excitement and unease, but this can quickly change. This unease can be fun at first but then can get exhausting, thought consuming and can lead to anxiousness if things don’t develop close or fast enough with our conscious or subconscious “expectations.” And this is what sets a STUD apart from the rest; the ability to deal with this uncomfortableness and uncertainty. A person who is confident, knows what he wants and where he is going has an easier time, and perhaps even will ENJOY this tension while he gets to know this potential other to see if it will be something worth continuing. On the other hand, a person who isn’t confident finds the tension in the times apart from this potential partner NOT FUN. They are anxious for things to move forward and move to a place of CERTAINTY where they know where things stand and if they will be valued. Well the problem is- nothing in life is certain. And in fact most of the best things in life come from reveling in this area of uncertainty and uncomfortableness. We don’t just see this in relationship building. I’m starting to see this everywhere. The next time you meet a special interest or potential friend remember these initial feelings and what you think that person brings to your life. Don’t be so quick to act or move through it to a place of “emotional safety”. This tension helps us become stronger people and some of the characteristics of it can bring great learning and joy to our lives.

To build up your self confidence and happiness please email chris@studtraining101.com for info on course or to ask a related question

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The Minority Complex

I wanted to write a bit about something I continue to see and experience in life and what I refer to as the “Minority Complex”.  The MC is a perception of life that is always limited, is constantly under threat, sees his own uniqueness as a fault or problem mostly in their unknown subconscious and ends up acting this out in a cycle in reality.  To put it simply,  I believe the MC is why there has never been a female president in the U.S, why there are so few to none gay male pop culture artists and politicians,  and why ethnic politicians and ethnic pop culture icons (Chinese, Indian particularly,) in North America are still rare.

How is this so?

Well, we have a tendency to “blame society” or the “white privileged male” for the status quo.  But im here to offer a different reality.  Sorry but the truth does hurt sometimes.  The MC is a huge problem why minorities don’t get ahead; it’s not ALL because of the greater society (the obvious), it’s also because MINORITIES DON’T OFTEN HELP THERE OWN CAUSE by supporting and encouraging and PHYSICALLY acting to help their fellow minority members and mostly THEMSELVES.

Example, if all the U.S women voted for a female president it wouldn’t matter what the “white privileged male” did at all, we would have a female president.  Example, if every gay/bisexual/trans man and woman came out of the closet tomorrow the stigma of homosexuality would be gone almost over night as everyone would become aware that these issues affect them and their families personally.

A recent character that shows this MC in a very nasty way is Samuel L. Jacksons’ character Uncle Tom in the movie Django Unchained .

How does this MC happen?

The MC lives in our subconscious. Because you may feel you have a weakness or don’t live up to societies standard in some shape or form, you set limits on your own life and what you realistically can and cannot achieve. Because of these limits, when you see others you perceive as in the same minority try to move into new territory or a new job or place of perceived prestige- you may also believe that they too cannot “make it” in this new territory based on your own personal fear, beliefs, experiences and expectations.  This in turn causes you to think they are either wasting their time or you could even think they are downright stupid or crazy for even trying!

The MC can be even sneakier. Sure maybe a gay man might set up a meeting for a friend to get a job and then at the last minute could say “hey make sure you act straight otherwise they might not hire you.”

Being an out and gay artist I have literally seen this MC over and over again. People in the community seeing my talent and saying you are great for this or that role or that my music should be played on the radio or you would be great for TV  “but can you pretend to be straight cause we don’t see a market for you even though I personally like you.”  

The “I don’t see a market for a gay artist” makes me laugh still to this day. Not only do we live in a digital age where you can sell music worldwide, we have notable (straight) pop icons SELLING and MARKETING TO GAY SOCIETY (Lady Gaga and Madonna anybody?)  Clearly they see a financial benefit to targeting this market.  Because of the MC though, believing a gay artist can actually market to the SAME group of people and have success in pop culture still seems impossible to some.

My point?

My point is to give consciousness and light to a new limitless way of thinking for a better life for you and those around you,

Chris

 

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Welcome to Stud Training 101

Hi there and thanks for checking out Stud Training 101. This blog provides useful tips on sexiness, physical/mental/spiritual well being and also the actual application of these. For example, why IS meditation so powerful, why do I care about it, and how does this help me get laid or find somebody I want to connect with??

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Well, what exactly is a STUD? We see examples of them every day on TV and around us in the clubs and at our work place.  They enter a room with confidence, strong posture and a magnetism that seems to attract people to them.  They engage in what looks like FUN and meaningful conversations with their friends, family members, co-workers, and even perfect strangers.  Behind closed doors a STUD is fulfilled and feels happy- this is not just a “front” to put on in public.  A STUD engages in AUTHENTIC behavior and is always on a quest to improve his life and happiness.  YES, like everybody a STUD goes through ups and downs; but as he improves his skills and continues to work towards loving his life and his self these down times become fewer and further between and less painful, and are consistently being replaced with fun, intimate, perhaps sexual and purposeful experiences.

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