0 comments on “5 Secrets to help others LOVE YOU”

5 Secrets to help others LOVE YOU

  1.    Love them first

We want everybody to love us. Or at least, a mix of family and friends and a lover (or more) to make us feel alive & connected. We want our journey to have proof; some people along for the ride that can understand us & our decision making.

I once had a very good friend as I was going through a rough time in life, look at me and say, “How do you keep being you, how do you do it?” I’ve never felt so understood, in one sentence my friend let me know that he knew how hard things could be for my particular position in the world at times, and how hard I was trying to fight back in my own unique way.

We must get the courage to love others FIRST, and unconditionally. Do you smile at others first when you see a stranger? Do you forgive your friends first when there is a fight? Do you try to understand your loved ones’ decisions first or do you skip to judgment until they prove to you otherwise? Do you empathize first? All of these will help you start to get those special people out there to love you more.

  1.   Let them be themselves

One of the hardest things in the world is to actually be ourselves. Every day is a constant bombardment of ideas coming at us, comparisons to other lives on social media, and our own personal thoughts, ideas and creations.

We must choose our path from a mix of all of these, and sometimes under excruciating pressure from others, but mostly from ourselves.

So what is going to be right and wrong? Nobody really knows. But if you can let others walk their walk and cheer on their crazy flag you might just get more people on your side of the fence.

That doesn’t mean we can’t offer advice when they ask for it or speak to our own experiences; it just means we realize that although it may not look like it, everybody is out there battling in the world.

We are battling for happiness, battling for survival, battling to be loved by others and even to love ourselves including all the mistakes we have made. I was once in a high-pressure work situation and my co-worker came up to me and said the barrier-breaking words “How Can I Help?” It took me by surprise, and instantly we became an unstoppable team that night. I’ve used this line effectively ever since; I highly encourage you to try it sometime.

  1.   Give Your Truth

As you gain confidence in the world, you will be urged to share your truth. This doesn’t mean we force our way of life onto others, it means we show and describe our authentic lens of the world to the people around us. We share our stories, our challenges, our dreams. We share our gifts. We share our failures. We lead by example. And if you really want to get closer to others, you share your doubts.

There’s a certain power in vulnerability, a special healing force that comes out of giving our truth. When we bare our soul, other like-characters can’t help but relate and be drawn towards us.

This doesn’t mean we rant or lash out at the world. This doesn’t mean we whine. It means to say “Hey this is who I am and this is my journey; here’s what I have learned, maybe we can help each other somehow.”

  1.   Teach them what you know

One of our most basic needs is learning from others, from the time we are born we must learn to survive and this stays with us to death and beyond. I say this obvious point because later in life it seems people may be forgetting this fact. I don’t think they realize the power they hold when it comes to connecting with others here.

We learn, we grow and we learn even more to get ahead, but how are we helping others along the way?

Teaching others what you know gives a sense of connection like no other. Some people fulfill this with the need to become a parent, others may want to become managers at work or a coach like me.

Whenever and wherever you are, teaching others what we know at the proper and specific times is an art form. If you can hone this special skill pay attention to the respect you begin to receive.

It’s like a kind of passing of the torch. When we come up with an idea it’s as if we light the torch, then we must pass it on. Later on, we hope to get the flame back someday again, and the beautiful cycle continues. Every transfer of information bringing us closer and closer together.

  1.   Give them Freedom

This is the most challenging secret to learn especially for myself, and some may not agree with me here, that’s okay. We must give others their freedom. Our freedom is one of the most precious things on earth, but rarely will people be so giving and so loving as to let you really be free.

Often our friendships and relationships come with rules and obligations. We have emotional protection mechanisms put in place to keep us from getting hurt, when the reality is our soul can never really be damaged, only our ego.

I challenge you to grow. I challenge you to have faith that you can be connected to the special people in our life, whether they are with you physically or not. I challenge you to instead have those uncomfortable conversations, those getting-to-know-you deeper talks.

When you give others freedom, you give them the chance to grow. You give them the experience of living. You give them the power to make their own choices. Later on, this power & connection comes back to you tenfold.

Want more love, more fulfillment? What Can More Confidence Do for You?

FREE E-BOOK on this topic and more>> More. Confidence. Now 

More on the author Chris Munro: Confidence Coach, Blogger, Contributor to MyGayToronto.com, Singer, and Author of The Power of Your AQ®: How to Build Confidence & Attract the People You Were Meant to Connect With

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Online Dating Tips & Etiquette

I’m guilty of some of these at times – hello, alcohol! That being said, we can all use reminders for a lot of things in life:

  1. No Response is a Response

Guys, we get it. How could anybody turn YOU down? You have everything that anybody could ever want. That being said, if somebody doesn’t respond back, it means they aren’t interested, or, maybe they are simply just too busy to reply. This is not the time to take it as a personal attack, nobody is out to get you, and NO, THEY DO NOT OWE YOU A RESPONSE EVEN IF YOU MESSAGE JUST TO COMPLIMENT THEM. Nobody owes you anything; especially a return response from some random stranger messaging online behind a computer, or on a phone. If you have a previous relationship in some sense then it is okay to expect a response. News flash: this is the online world, not the real world. If you get hurt enough to react with an angry message from a no response, or continue messaging them over and over again, you have way bigger self-esteem issues on your hands. Instead of getting angry at the no response, try thinking “how can I empower myself so this small stuff never bothers me again?” If they consistently show this behavior it should really be easy to move on. Do you really want a partner or friend, who ignores you?

  1. Don’t hit on anybody you wouldn’t say hi to in person

This would save a lot of problems online. Guys, if we only meet people through the online world we deny ourselves the opportunity to develop real social skills needed in relationships and intimate situations. If you don’t have the courage to go up to somebody and strike up a conversation, maybe its best you pass on this particular hottie. Continually going for people online that we think deep down are going to turn us down causes our self-esteem to crumble with every rejection. If, though, this rejection is at least done in person, we actually build up real resistance and confidence, which moves us forward in life making it easier to approach the next person. We also develop the ability to check our anxiety and relax in similar future situations.

  1. Don’t assume people know what you want

People are on here for all different reasons. Get to the point of what you are after.  Guys, do your best to compartmentalize dating apps away from Facebook messenger or other social media messengers. Is this a friend messaging me on a hook up app? Why? Oh the awkward world of online dating.

  1. Market what you want

Somebody once pointed out to me that if I want a romantic relationship then maybe I shouldn’t have a shirtless profile pic as my first impression. After thinking about it, I couldn’t agree more. There are many examples of guys saying they want one thing but then do another and it can get really confusing quickly.  As a side note: never ever send your butthole to anybody EVER. WTF!! Yes it has happened to me. Same goes for the special D shot unless it is discussed and asked for first. How rude and usually GROSS!

  1. Respect yourself

Anytime we are lashing out at strangers online we are not respecting ourselves. Get over it, gurl. Move on. Life is too short.  If you have any notes in your profile that are racist etc., you are not only disrespecting other people on there, in my opinion you are also disrespecting yourself. Anything you put out into the universe has one big boomerang effect. Hi Karma! How have you been?

  1. Cat Fishing – Who does this?!

I just don’t understand this. I have had a few fake profiles of me out in the world. It makes me feel all sorts of things: Flattered? Ugh not really. It’s more invasive than anything. It’s totally sad, and desperate, that anybody would think they would have to succumb to this to get any attention and love in the world. Looks aren’t everything! When you stop judging yourself, and the world, on looks alone; you will find its doors open wide to you.  Love yourself first, and this means putting the real you out in the world and developing your confidence to the point where nobody can ever bring you down. Ever.

For more information on how to develop your self-confidence, get more dates, and raise your AQ®,  visit www.studtraining101.com

0 comments on “Connected”

Connected

Your state of consciousness may just be the single most important factor in attracting and maintaining any sort of relationship. When we feel engaged and connected with the universe people can’t help but feel at ease around us and want to be around us. Ever wonder why people say “it will come when you least expect it??” What they really mean is- it will come when you are fully engaged, happy and connected with life. When you are connected and engaged people are attracted to you and don’t even know why.

What do I mean by this?
To help explain this it might be easier to show what NOT to do first. Take for example; you are at a party and somebody has had WAY too much to drink, how attractive do they really look as a long term partner or friend, do you really want to be babysitting them?? The same goes for anybody who is constantly “unconscious”, unengaged, or disconnected it could also be called. Ex. The person who is on facebook or grinder all the time- disconnected. Ex. the person high on weed all the time- also disconnected. Drinking booze every day? Also disconnected. The more we ‘disconnect’ the further we get away from what we are really looking for in life- to feel whole and feel like a part of something. I’m not just talking at the level of addiction, I’m talking at every level and moment we are NOT connected. The more we are distracted in some sort of activity or way, the FURTHER we are from where we want to be and to the people we want to be with.
So how do we change this? First off we have to recognize how we escape in daily life- ALL of the ways and yes there are ALOT!! TV that’s mind numbing, books or magazines that don’t teach us anything, caffeine, cigarettes, prescription drugs, drugs and alcohol are the most common. The more we use these as a crutch for boredom or to numb our feelings (which whether we realize it or not is most of the time) the further we get away from those awesome feelings of connectedness with the world and the more we repel others.

What’s the opposite of this?? Meditation and engaging in fun and interesting engaging activities. Yes there is a reason why meditation has been around for so long and continues to grow. When in a state of real meditation you are connected to the universe. You have a sense of AWARENESS and are conscious of what is happening around you. People are drawn to you. And even better, when in a state of pure meditation it is possible you DONT even feel the NEED to be physically near others. The same feelings of love, connectedness and wholeness can be attained through pure meditation alone. This is why meditation is the best cure for loneliness, getting over a crush or ex, or dealing with any uncomfortable feelings. Meditation synchronizes you to the universe.

So get out in the world, learn something new. Engage fully in your life whether you are by yourself or with somebody else; pay attention, listen, and watch how your life slowly begins to change.

2 comments on “Tension”

Tension

I’m discovering being comfortable with our uncomfortableness is the key to making any sort of relationship and keeping it; if we do so desire. When we meet some people we are instantly at ease. These people may become friends or acquaintances we will speak to from time to time in the odd social setting. Funny though, when it comes to people we want to date this isn’t often the feeling we look for first. We prefer excitement, tension, and uneasiness. Will this person like me? Am I even in ‘their league’? If I call them will they bother calling me back? This is awesome! It’s important to sit with this for a moment; at first when we meet a potential dating/sex partner we LOVE the tension, excitement and unease, but this can quickly change. This unease can be fun at first but then can get exhausting, thought consuming and can lead to anxiousness if things don’t develop close or fast enough with our conscious or subconscious “expectations.” And this is what sets a STUD apart from the rest; the ability to deal with this uncomfortableness and uncertainty. A person who is confident, knows what he wants and where he is going has an easier time, and perhaps even will ENJOY this tension while he gets to know this potential other to see if it will be something worth continuing. On the other hand, a person who isn’t confident finds the tension in the times apart from this potential partner NOT FUN. They are anxious for things to move forward and move to a place of CERTAINTY where they know where things stand and if they will be valued. Well the problem is- nothing in life is certain. And in fact most of the best things in life come from reveling in this area of uncertainty and uncomfortableness. We don’t just see this in relationship building. I’m starting to see this everywhere. The next time you meet a special interest or potential friend remember these initial feelings and what you think that person brings to your life. Don’t be so quick to act or move through it to a place of “emotional safety”. This tension helps us become stronger people and some of the characteristics of it can bring great learning and joy to our lives.

To build up your self confidence and happiness please email chris@studtraining101.com for info on course or to ask a related question

11 comments on “Self Compassion”

Self Compassion

Self Compassion

This is a concept that I find personally really tough and that I need to put more effort into. I’ve improved yes. But I still catch myself saying to myself, when things aren’t going well, “what the hell is wrong with you,” “why are you such a loser” and “how could you be such a dumbass.” These are hardly productive and I know they specifically don’t work for me. I’ve personally always done my best work when people give encouragement and built up my confidence; never when they have yelled at me or put me down. So why would I still say these mean things to myself? I think for a long time it was because I didn’t know any better. Now that I am conscious of it, it is all about breaking old habits and patterns that don’t serve me.

We are all flawed in many ways. Fears, doubts and worrying if we are “good enough” for this or that can stop us dead in our tracks and can also make these original flaws seem exponentially greater than they are in reality. How we present these weaknesses though to ourselves and to the people around us can make a huge difference in our dating life and other relationships. If we don’t have enough self compassion to feel whole and loved NOW and with all of our flaws, it won’t matter who might happen to come along. The same result in the long run is the same, unhappiness and feeling disconnected. True, we can work on making ourselves better, and we should do this yes. But practising self love and self compassion is the only sure way to start on the path to long term happiness and success in our relationships. You need to exercise for YOU. You need to eat right because you love YOURSELF. You need to learn about the world around you and strive to be a more interesting person FOR YOU. If you don’t find yourself interesting- then NOBODY will. If you don’t put effort in everyday to take care and love yourself- then potential dating partners won’t either. The effort starts with you, and YES YOU DESERVE THIS.

Self compassion takes COURAGE. Give yourself a break, show yourself some caring, nurturing and understanding and start to take the necessary actions on the journey to a new and better life.

4 comments on “The Minority Complex”

The Minority Complex

I wanted to write a bit about something I continue to see and experience in life and what I refer to as the “Minority Complex”.  The MC is a perception of life that is always limited, is constantly under threat, sees his own uniqueness as a fault or problem mostly in their unknown subconscious and ends up acting this out in a cycle in reality.  To put it simply,  I believe the MC is why there has never been a female president in the U.S, why there are so few to none gay male pop culture artists and politicians,  and why ethnic politicians and ethnic pop culture icons (Chinese, Indian particularly,) in North America are still rare.

How is this so?

Well, we have a tendency to “blame society” or the “white privileged male” for the status quo.  But im here to offer a different reality.  Sorry but the truth does hurt sometimes.  The MC is a huge problem why minorities don’t get ahead; it’s not ALL because of the greater society (the obvious), it’s also because MINORITIES DON’T OFTEN HELP THERE OWN CAUSE by supporting and encouraging and PHYSICALLY acting to help their fellow minority members and mostly THEMSELVES.

Example, if all the U.S women voted for a female president it wouldn’t matter what the “white privileged male” did at all, we would have a female president.  Example, if every gay/bisexual/trans man and woman came out of the closet tomorrow the stigma of homosexuality would be gone almost over night as everyone would become aware that these issues affect them and their families personally.

A recent character that shows this MC in a very nasty way is Samuel L. Jacksons’ character Uncle Tom in the movie Django Unchained .

How does this MC happen?

The MC lives in our subconscious. Because you may feel you have a weakness or don’t live up to societies standard in some shape or form, you set limits on your own life and what you realistically can and cannot achieve. Because of these limits, when you see others you perceive as in the same minority try to move into new territory or a new job or place of perceived prestige- you may also believe that they too cannot “make it” in this new territory based on your own personal fear, beliefs, experiences and expectations.  This in turn causes you to think they are either wasting their time or you could even think they are downright stupid or crazy for even trying!

The MC can be even sneakier. Sure maybe a gay man might set up a meeting for a friend to get a job and then at the last minute could say “hey make sure you act straight otherwise they might not hire you.”

Being an out and gay artist I have literally seen this MC over and over again. People in the community seeing my talent and saying you are great for this or that role or that my music should be played on the radio or you would be great for TV  “but can you pretend to be straight cause we don’t see a market for you even though I personally like you.”  

The “I don’t see a market for a gay artist” makes me laugh still to this day. Not only do we live in a digital age where you can sell music worldwide, we have notable (straight) pop icons SELLING and MARKETING TO GAY SOCIETY (Lady Gaga and Madonna anybody?)  Clearly they see a financial benefit to targeting this market.  Because of the MC though, believing a gay artist can actually market to the SAME group of people and have success in pop culture still seems impossible to some.

My point?

My point is to give consciousness and light to a new limitless way of thinking for a better life for you and those around you,

Chris

 

0 comments on “The Basics”

The Basics

What I do:

I help men achieve a dramatically improved self worth, self image and a greater sense of connection; this improves their relationships and helps to create new potential ones.

I provide a framework and tools so the Studs In Training become more true to their authentic self and thrive in a new world of possibilities.

Why I do this:

I LOVE seeing positive change when guys decide to take their lives to the next level. The physical/mental and spiritual growth inspires me in return to continue to strive for my own best life.  Sharing my experiences and skill set gives me a sense of true purpose and sense of connection with my clients.

I help bring out the STUD in YOU.

 

Please email studtraining101@gmail.com to register for the course Stud Training 101 (not all applicants will be suitable for this course)

 

4 comments on “Law of Abundance”

Law of Abundance

You may have heard this term before. But what is the Law of Abundance and where do we see this operating in our daily life and sexual encounters?

The Law of Abundance is simply this: what you really FEEL you have ENOUGH of, you will get MORE of.  Ever wonder why a certain type of male or female always seems to be attracted to you and you wish they were somebody else?? This is the Law of Abundance at work- you feel you have ENOUGH of this type ( and maybe don’t want), so this type continuously shows up in your life.  Of course knowing this now we can use it to our advantage. Start by paying way more attention to the type of males/females that you like, be grateful when you see them (anywhere), feel that they are in fact with you and in your life (even though they may not be and you wish they were closer!) and put yourself in situations where they will most likely be. The more conscious of all these experiences you are the more likely it will be that you will convince your brain you have ENOUGH of this favorite type of yours, and this in turn will increase your odds of them being around you and in your actual life.

 

To take the 5 week Stud Training 101 course in the Toronto area please email Studtraining101@gmail.com