- Love them first
We want everybody to love us. Or at least, a mix of family and friends and a lover (or more) to make us feel alive & connected. We want our journey to have proof; some people along for the ride that can understand us & our decision making.
I once had a very good friend as I was going through a rough time in life, look at me and say, “How do you keep being you, how do you do it?” I’ve never felt so understood, in one sentence my friend let me know that he knew how hard things could be for my particular position in the world at times, and how hard I was trying to fight back in my own unique way.
We must get the courage to love others FIRST, and unconditionally. Do you smile at others first when you see a stranger? Do you forgive your friends first when there is a fight? Do you try to understand your loved ones’ decisions first or do you skip to judgment until they prove to you otherwise? Do you empathize first? All of these will help you start to get those special people out there to love you more.
- Let them be themselves
One of the hardest things in the world is to actually be ourselves. Every day is a constant bombardment of ideas coming at us, comparisons to other lives on social media, and our own personal thoughts, ideas and creations.
We must choose our path from a mix of all of these, and sometimes under excruciating pressure from others, but mostly from ourselves.
So what is going to be right and wrong? Nobody really knows. But if you can let others walk their walk and cheer on their crazy flag you might just get more people on your side of the fence.
That doesn’t mean we can’t offer advice when they ask for it or speak to our own experiences; it just means we realize that although it may not look like it, everybody is out there battling in the world.
We are battling for happiness, battling for survival, battling to be loved by others and even to love ourselves including all the mistakes we have made. I was once in a high-pressure work situation and my co-worker came up to me and said the barrier-breaking words “How Can I Help?” It took me by surprise, and instantly we became an unstoppable team that night. I’ve used this line effectively ever since; I highly encourage you to try it sometime.
- Give Your Truth
As you gain confidence in the world, you will be urged to share your truth. This doesn’t mean we force our way of life onto others, it means we show and describe our authentic lens of the world to the people around us. We share our stories, our challenges, our dreams. We share our gifts. We share our failures. We lead by example. And if you really want to get closer to others, you share your doubts.
There’s a certain power in vulnerability, a special healing force that comes out of giving our truth. When we bare our soul, other like-characters can’t help but relate and be drawn towards us.
This doesn’t mean we rant or lash out at the world. This doesn’t mean we whine. It means to say “Hey this is who I am and this is my journey; here’s what I have learned, maybe we can help each other somehow.”
- Teach them what you know
One of our most basic needs is learning from others, from the time we are born we must learn to survive and this stays with us to death and beyond. I say this obvious point because later in life it seems people may be forgetting this fact. I don’t think they realize the power they hold when it comes to connecting with others here.
We learn, we grow and we learn even more to get ahead, but how are we helping others along the way?
Teaching others what you know gives a sense of connection like no other. Some people fulfill this with the need to become a parent, others may want to become managers at work or a coach like me.
Whenever and wherever you are, teaching others what we know at the proper and specific times is an art form. If you can hone this special skill pay attention to the respect you begin to receive.
It’s like a kind of passing of the torch. When we come up with an idea it’s as if we light the torch, then we must pass it on. Later on, we hope to get the flame back someday again, and the beautiful cycle continues. Every transfer of information bringing us closer and closer together.
- Give them Freedom
This is the most challenging secret to learn especially for myself, and some may not agree with me here, that’s okay. We must give others their freedom. Our freedom is one of the most precious things on earth, but rarely will people be so giving and so loving as to let you really be free.
Often our friendships and relationships come with rules and obligations. We have emotional protection mechanisms put in place to keep us from getting hurt, when the reality is our soul can never really be damaged, only our ego.
I challenge you to grow. I challenge you to have faith that you can be connected to the special people in our life, whether they are with you physically or not. I challenge you to instead have those uncomfortable conversations, those getting-to-know-you deeper talks.
When you give others freedom, you give them the chance to grow. You give them the experience of living. You give them the power to make their own choices. Later on, this power & connection comes back to you tenfold.
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More on the author Chris Munro: Confidence Coach, Blogger, Contributor to MyGayToronto.com, Singer, and Author of The Power of Your AQ®: How to Build Confidence & Attract the People You Were Meant to Connect With