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Using Facebook As Therapy Does Not Work

USING FACEBOOK AS THERAPY DOES NOT WORK

Since its inception, people have been using FB as a sounding board to write about their breakups, their problems with friends, dealing with loneliness, and a host of other personal issues. I sat back and watched silently; what do these people REALLY HOPE TO GAIN with these posts? As a coach, I personally tell my clients to run the other way if they are dating somebody that is practicing this type of behaviour, here’s why:

1. The person who writes these posts are always “right,” making the other person “wrong.” They essentially bash their exes on Social Media. We get it, he’s a complete dick, and she’s a big whore, but does garnering a bunch of hearts and likes actually help in any way? Of course not. It shows me one VERY IMPORTANT THING, this person has NO PROCESS AND STRUCTURE TO DEAL WITH THE ACTUAL EMOTIONS THAT TOOK PLACE. Instead, they resort to FB as a means to deflect the pain they are going through, looking for temporary relief and attention. This in turn tells me one thing: this drama is going to repeat again, and again, and again.

2. They make themselves a Dating Victim: the whole world sucks except for them. Insert Facebook rant. For some reason (but definitely, definitely not because of any of their choices), they keep dating these sluts and assholes. If they don’t find a professional to help, I can predict one thing – more sluts and assholes are a comin’ their way. They need to break their love energy cycle. Do they know how to do this? How has blaming the world and all of their exes worked out for them so far?

3. It’s a ginormous red flag. Relationships come and go for one main purpose – to facilitate learning. If they have come to the sounding board to be “right,” it’s proof that they aren’t willing to look in the mirror and learn ANYTHING about themselves through the process they’ve so painfully shared with us. Relationships depend on teaching and learning, if you are seeing somebody that always needs to be “right” (enough to sound off on FB about it), then it’s very likely the relationship is doomed. We are more than just a body, we are powerful beyond measure – if being “wrong” about something somehow takes away from who we think we are, we’re missing the point of life. If being “right” is more important than the relationship, it has no chance to begin with.

I know some of you are fuming mad at me right now – how dare he, he doesn’t understand?! The thing is, I do. I used to be just like you. And believe it or not, I want to help, and that’s why I wrote this post. Using Facebook as therapy (vaguebooking) HAS NEVER AND WILL NEVER WORK. Please find the courage to seek out a self-confidence coach, relationship coach, or a therapist. YOU CAN DO THIS AND YOU HAVE MORE POWER OVER YOUR OWN LIFE THAN YOU REALIZE!

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Emotional Abuse. Leaving the Narcissists and Beginning the Path of Healing.

There is a rise of narcissism that is beginning to cripple North American culture – from the very top (Trump) to the bottom, it doesn’t take much looking around to notice. Further complicating this new era of narcissism is that it’s riddled with severe insecurities and lack of morals. Been on the Internet lately? Have you seen the judgmental and abusive comments, or the passive aggressive statements and posts? There is a strong sense of self entitlement. I keep asking myself where this is coming from, and what I can do to stop it. It’s increasingly common for grown men to lash out on social media and text over small things. EGO has run out of control and our society simply stands by and watches. In terms of dating; it’s made for tumultuous territory. Sometimes, the nicest gesture can be responded with name calling, or worse, over a simple misunderstanding. When we do, we become oversensitive guys who do not wish to hear, or admit, the truth.  We become narcissists. Good luck getting an apology from one: you’ll be long dead before you get it.

The problem:

Narcissists have no clue they are narcissists. To them, they are victims in society and in every single one of their relationships. They struggle with self-doubt, feelings of depression, and constantly compare themselves to their peers on social media. Didn’t get a lot of likes on an Instagram post? This is enough to send a narcissist into anger or sadness. When they do get them you can watch their face literally light up before your eyes. They take any attention they get, and you might as well not even be in the same room as them: you no longer exist.

Where do we go now?

So, what can you do when you realize you are friends with, or are dating a narcissist? Well, if they are physically or emotionally abusive, you will eventually have to leave if they don’t change their behavior. Watch how they react: are they empathetic to your feelings? Are they making changes: no longer going on the attack when conflict arises, or are they continuing to try to make you feel like shit? Move on!  I’m always okay with giving chances – trust me, I give way too many. Life is just too short, and there are too many other amazing people out there to meet and experience. You don’t owe anybody a therapy session.

To the narcissists:

I get that you are struggling; but, your insecurities are not an excuse to emotionally or physically attack another human being or animal. Grow a pair: stop the cycle of pain in this world and take some responsibility for the pain you are dishing out that perpetuates this sometimes shitty negative world we all have to live in. Get the help you need. When you give out pain, you literally are “part of the problem.”

Now the really tough part (thanks for sticking with me!):  Ask yourself how you’re contributing to the narcissism of the world. Do you owe somebody an apology or have you damaged a relationship simply over a bruised ego? How can you be a person of healing or at least stop your own pain from transferring to the people you care about?

Love will always win

From somebody who has coached many men, I can tell you first hand that these narcissists aren’t happy. They go through extreme highs and lows – one minute believing they are better than others and the next, less. They long for real connection, like we all do, but usually attempt to get it through looks, money and fame – and real love and fulfillment eludes them.

Instead: focus on meaning and purpose in your life and you will have just that, a meaningful and purposeful life.

Purchase “Sex, Love & Confidence” here:

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Online Dating Tips & Etiquette

I’m guilty of some of these at times – hello, alcohol! That being said, we can all use reminders for a lot of things in life:

  1. No Response is a Response

Guys, we get it. How could anybody turn YOU down? You have everything that anybody could ever want. That being said, if somebody doesn’t respond back, it means they aren’t interested, or, maybe they are simply just too busy to reply. This is not the time to take it as a personal attack, nobody is out to get you, and NO, THEY DO NOT OWE YOU A RESPONSE EVEN IF YOU MESSAGE JUST TO COMPLIMENT THEM. Nobody owes you anything; especially a return response from some random stranger messaging online behind a computer, or on a phone. If you have a previous relationship in some sense then it is okay to expect a response. News flash: this is the online world, not the real world. If you get hurt enough to react with an angry message from a no response, or continue messaging them over and over again, you have way bigger self-esteem issues on your hands. Instead of getting angry at the no response, try thinking “how can I empower myself so this small stuff never bothers me again?” If they consistently show this behavior it should really be easy to move on. Do you really want a partner or friend, who ignores you?

  1. Don’t hit on anybody you wouldn’t say hi to in person

This would save a lot of problems online. Guys, if we only meet people through the online world we deny ourselves the opportunity to develop real social skills needed in relationships and intimate situations. If you don’t have the courage to go up to somebody and strike up a conversation, maybe its best you pass on this particular hottie. Continually going for people online that we think deep down are going to turn us down causes our self-esteem to crumble with every rejection. If, though, this rejection is at least done in person, we actually build up real resistance and confidence, which moves us forward in life making it easier to approach the next person. We also develop the ability to check our anxiety and relax in similar future situations.

  1. Don’t assume people know what you want

People are on here for all different reasons. Get to the point of what you are after.  Guys, do your best to compartmentalize dating apps away from Facebook messenger or other social media messengers. Is this a friend messaging me on a hook up app? Why? Oh the awkward world of online dating.

  1. Market what you want

Somebody once pointed out to me that if I want a romantic relationship then maybe I shouldn’t have a shirtless profile pic as my first impression. After thinking about it, I couldn’t agree more. There are many examples of guys saying they want one thing but then do another and it can get really confusing quickly.  As a side note: never ever send your butthole to anybody EVER. WTF!! Yes it has happened to me. Same goes for the special D shot unless it is discussed and asked for first. How rude and usually GROSS!

  1. Respect yourself

Anytime we are lashing out at strangers online we are not respecting ourselves. Get over it, gurl. Move on. Life is too short.  If you have any notes in your profile that are racist etc., you are not only disrespecting other people on there, in my opinion you are also disrespecting yourself. Anything you put out into the universe has one big boomerang effect. Hi Karma! How have you been?

  1. Cat Fishing – Who does this?!

I just don’t understand this. I have had a few fake profiles of me out in the world. It makes me feel all sorts of things: Flattered? Ugh not really. It’s more invasive than anything. It’s totally sad, and desperate, that anybody would think they would have to succumb to this to get any attention and love in the world. Looks aren’t everything! When you stop judging yourself, and the world, on looks alone; you will find its doors open wide to you.  Love yourself first, and this means putting the real you out in the world and developing your confidence to the point where nobody can ever bring you down. Ever.

For more information on how to develop your self-confidence, get more dates, and raise your AQ®,  visit www.studtraining101.com

The First Step to becoming a STUD

The First Step to becoming a STUD

I have been racking my brain, meditating, and asking my business coaches and friends: what is the piece that I am missing here? I have clients that take my course and people are buying my books but why is it just trickling in when I feel like people should be knocking down my door? As far as I know I’m the only guy in the world that can GUARANTEE my clients will have a DRAMATIC INCREASE in their self-confidence, and where it really matters to us.

90% of my clients have a significant relationship within a year of taking my course. 90 freaking percent! The other 10% you mention? Yup, well after taking my course they decided that they would finally live it up and ENJOY their single life for maybe the first time in their lives.  It still blows my mind.  I know guys that are getting married or are now living with their partners and it lifts me the fuck up knowing I had even if just a little piece of setting them on that path.

BUT, they all did the first step to becoming a STUD before I even spoke to them. This is really what started to change their lives.

So what the fuck are we waiting for? What is this first step!?

THE FIRST STEP TO BECOMING A STUD IS BEING MAN ENOUGH AND COURAGEOUS ENOUGH TO RECOGNIZE WE NEED HELP AND THEN TAKE ACTION. EITHER BY SEEKING OUT INFORMATION OR FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON WHO HAS THE KNOWLEDGE WE NEED TO CHANGE AND GROW. WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT THINGS ARE NOT WORKING, AND THAT IF WE DO NOT CHANGE THEY NEVER WILL.

STUDs all have one thing in common: they realize they don’t know it all and never can. They have the ability to check their ego enough to investigate and then soak up information they need to get bigger, faster, better, stronger, wiser, more passionate, become a better lover, ANYTHING.

Remembering back in my desperate and lonely days, this was the thing that changed my life.  I remember thinking, Is this all there is to life? Is this as good as it gets? Then it hit me, some people out there are living happier, healthier, better lives. They seem to always have women or men after them and they seem to really be happy and fulfilled. I had to find out how they were doing it. So I summoned the courage, and for me, I started to read books on confidence, relationships, dating, spirituality, happiness – and to this day, I STILL READ AND AM STILL LEARNING about all of these same things.

So. Are we willing today to take the FIRST STEP TO BECOMING A STUD? ARE WE WILLING TO ADMIT WE DO NOT KNOW IT ALL? Are we willing to admit that we are all teachers in this universe but as well we are all learners at times?

We can do this.  We can step out of our comfort zones today and say, “alright, I’m here. Now let’s learn something and then never stop learning.”

Trust me it will be one of the best decisions of your entire life.

For more information please visit www.studtraining101.com

 

Hot Guy Syndrome

 

There’s a silent epidemic happening and it really needs to stop: Apps, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat; there’s a bazillion ways to connect with people these days. We can send a PM, a like, a woof, or we can swipe left and right among other things, and this is all great. “The hottest person I’ve ever seen in my life started following me on Instagram. YaY!”
As always, with the great comes responsibility and privilege, and we are wasting this opportunity. Think of all the super hotties you know that seem to be chronically single: How does this happen? Can you think of a few people that seem to have the perfect outer shell, decent career, yet don’t seem to have a date most Friday nights? I’m about to let you in on a little secret, for you consistently single heart breaking hotties out there. Sorry trolls, there’s nothing to learn here for you in this post, so feel free to move along.
Every SINGLE quality that we have as an identity has a good and bad side. A double edge sword exists with every label we give ourselves and to others. In this case, being a looker as a man these days with the ripped bod can act as a weight, holding us back. Why? Because, as we all know, attractive people have it a little easier in this world. People are constantly trying to meet us, to be friends with us; and in lots of cases, to hire. The drawback is when we don’t develop our social skills with everybody else. We simply don’t need to most of the time, so sometimes we end up lacking the ability to communicate efficiently. We don’t have to be funny to cope with our feelings, and we never make the attempt at a joke, or we aren’t interesting in conversation because we will get invited to the parties regardless. But, when it comes to relationships, looks become just one of many qualities that can help create a romantic relationship and/or keep it together. If looks are all we have to offer, we’re doomed to be alone.
In some more severe cases, the hottie never has to make any effort in any of his friendships and relationships – over time, they don’t gain the ability and skills to ask people out on dates. They forget to check in on good friends. They don’t realize that they need to make an effort, to plan, or to bring other things to the table with people, so they don’t. They just wait till the other person does, and they usually do; but, eventually, they stop. Around them people have been growing, evolving and developing. The really great catches we want are hot too; but not only that, they want a connection, they want to feel wanted, they need to see effort and investment or they won’t be willing to do the same. The same thing applies to friendships: If it is one sided for too long one by one they will drop off. The good news is we can avoid this.
Guys, now is the time to look at how we are operating in all of our relationships; this includes family, friends, lovers. Are we making an effort in each of these? Are we taking responsibility for our lives in the areas where it matters? Or, are we letting the others do all of the work? I’m not saying overkill and be constantly texting and needy, here. I’m saying if you are hot and lonely, maybe this is one area you could improve upon. Grownups don’t have a lot of time, and they will simply stop investing in people that are not willing to invest in them.
Selfishness will get us nowhere in the long run.
So, STUDs, get out there and get some balance back in your life: Plan a dinner with a friend, ask somebody out. It’s your turn! Don’t miss out on your opportunity.
Give and you shall receive. Give your love and energy out into the world and I promise you will always have amazing people surrounding you.

 

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*For more information on this or other topics please send your confidential email to chris@studtraining101.com

Being the Runner Up

I was recently the runner up; 2nd place. Not in the driver’s seat. Having fun moments with somebody I found special, then being disappointed the next. Almost everybody in their lives will go through a situation in which they feel like the runner up. If a certain person was not in their lust interest’s lives, THEY would be the one invited to Christmas dinner, THEY would be invited to their lust interest’s cousin’s wedding. Instead, they get a hot romp once in a while and maybe the odd date. I want to talk about this to help people maneuver through this difficult and confusing time.

First, congratulations! It can be rare to find somebody that makes your heart flutter, and it’s awesome you are getting these moments to share with them. Take a moment to be grateful for these. Maybe this is all this is ever meant to be; that’s okay if you let it be and are not putting yourself in harm’s way.

Second, congratulations! Going through these ups and downs are going to prove critical in your relationship growth and experience. Not only are you reevaluating your boundaries with others, you are discovering what you like and dislike, and want in a relationship. These will be useful for this particular relationship later on, or the next one if you decide to move on (or they do).

Now we need an action plan! I wouldn’t ever leave you hanging!

If you find yourself in this position, I recommend these steps to keep your self-respect high, and move yourself forward towards a healthy relationship. It may not be with this particular person, no one can force someone to like them. If two people are meant to be together to share and to learn, they will be. There must always be a willingness between the two parties.

1. Come up with a 3 strike rule: 3 things you definitely CANNOT and WILL NOT put up with this particular person and relationship. If they get 3 strikes, they are outta here! For example: when I think I’m a runner-up with the person I want to be with; one penalty is “if they invite somebody else instead of me to a special occasion.” If this person does this and I feel left out, I DO NOT get all DRAMA, I don’t even mention it to them. I give them one imaginary strike and move on. Simple as that. I haven’t left it, but I’m also not completely putting up with it. I’m saying to myself that this is something that I know I don’t want.

2. Commit to the strikes you have laid out. IF THEY GET 3 STRIKES, as hot as they may be, you have to move on. This is according to the rules you’ve laid out in your strikes. You need to respect and honor yourself, always and forever. The 3 strikes rule helps guide you through this while having concrete evidence to look back on and make an adult decision.

3. Actually move on. Don’t initiate conversations. Feel free to respond, but it’s time to no longer put in any effort, they already proved they aren’t what you’re after. OR…..

Be open to changing the type of relationship you want with this person.

If 3 strikes happen, dating them seriously is out of the picture. That doesn’t mean you can’t revisit this at a later date. For example, if, by some miracle, they change as a person through their individual experiences, or they split with the person that is their priority interest. Striking out it means it’s definitely not the right time now. If you can disassociate feelings with sex, maybe this person can just be a play thing, or just meant to be a friend or snuggle buddy (somebody who comes over and watches movies or sleeps without the sexual contact).

If you decide from your 3 strike rule this person is definitely not right to be “the one,” it is still very possible that they can just be somebody you have a fun or hot time with once in a while. Is this really so bad? I mean, isn’t that exactly what they have decided to do with you? Sit with this thought for a bit. I don’t mean use them; that would also be disrespecting yourself. I’m saying have an adult conversation where you are both redefining the type of relationship in a way that is not disrespecting either of you. You both can gain something which still leaves room for this unique new relationship to evolve as well. Both parties being completely “in” on it and conscious of it (not fooling themselves). In the meantime, you should definitely be dating and looking elsewhere for that special somebody.

WHAT NOT TO DO

• What NOT TO DO: Manipulate them into what you want. People try this all the time and perhaps they will have fleeting moments of success, but the end result will be nothing more than a distrust and a distant type of relationship in the end. It’s never worth it. By manipulating others you indirectly lower your own respect level even if you don’t notice this, at first. When you lose respect for yourself, others will soon follow suit. We must hold ourselves to a higher standard. If we don’t feel we deserve a healthy, happy relationship and don’t act accordingly, we will find ourselves further and further away from the things that matter most to us.

• What NOT TO DO: Continue along while doing nothing, and being disappointed time and time again. This will result in a breakdown of your self-esteem that may take years to recover. YOU ARE ENOUGH and DESERVE SOMEBODY AMAZING TO LOVE YOU.

• What NOT TO DO: Fight or Flight response. There is something that brought the two of you together, try to find out at least what that was before you move on. Ask yourself, “What have I learned here? What have I learned from being with this person?” Once you know the answer, feel free to move on.

GOOD LUCK!!

Purchase “Sex, Love & Confidence” here:

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Practical Life Coaching: For more information or for assistance and coaching through this type of dating challenge, visit www.studtraining101.com .

Social Media and your SEX Life : Part 1

Social media can often make or more often, BREAK your dating and love life. How is this? Lets, find out.

Rants. Everybody knows what a social media “rant” is. But have you ever thought of the consequences of the internet airing of frustrations? To put it simply, rants are usually big a DO NOT if you are looking to get more sex in your life or if you are looking to date. So pretty much everybody should be trying to avoid ranting on social media.

Here’s why: When somebody “rants” on social media they send unconscious messages to everybody who reads it, comments on it, and even “likes” it. These messages are almost never positive the way the writer intends. Even if you are “right” about the situation, and people agree with you, it may still come back to haunt you. Let’s see what really happens when somebody rants…..

What the writer thinks when they are posting a rant on social media:
-“I’m so going to get my revenge on that bitch by calling her out on how she did me wrong.”
-“People will agree with me and that will hurt the other person. I’m doing the world a favor by telling them about his injustice.”
-“This rant will also show that nobody should mess with me because I will stick up for myself. People will respect me”

What others perceive about a persons overall character from a “rant” on Facebook or Twitter:
-“Wow that person is really passive aggressive it’s too bad they aren’t mature enough to have handled that situation privately and face to face with that person.”
-“I should be careful about becoming closer friends with that person who rants. Date them? No way. I don’t need anymore drama in my life thank you very much.”
-“Okay, yes I see their point that was so not cool. How is this any of my business though?”

If something happened that is frustrating you to tears, try to get a family member or close friend to talk it over with instead of posting on social media about it. If it is still bothering you, wait a few days until the ego subsides and you have a more clear and level head. If you STILL have to make a Facebook post about it, fine. Do it in a way that doesn’t personalize the issue by filling it with anger and revenge. If you have a grievance, make plans to speak directly to the source of the problem instead of publicly posting about it to get strangers on your side.

When posting on social media always think to yourself: Am I doing this simply to get attention or is this something that is a fact and is important to me. Am I posting this because my ego is hurt or because the real me is actually hurt? Remember, anytime you post on social media you show the world multiple things, including how you handle situations.Keep this in mind next time somebody pisses you off. It’s not worth hurting your sex life over!!

Till next time, and best of luck in your relationship endeavours:)

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Hiring a Personal Trainer

Get a trainer. Looking into a personal trainer looks extremely expensive at first glance. Not all trainers are worth this money, but the ones who are, are worth every single penny. Get references from friends who have worked with trainers before to find out which one might work for you. When you learn to work out properly, have somebody to help motivate you, and can teach you a variety of exercises, you will maximize your results. Above all, it just makes sense to get an awesome trainer as you will end up saving hundreds if not thousands of dollars, and countless hours of wasted time in the gym. As you get the results you want you have paid for with your time and money, you will gain happiness and confidence to reach even further.

Investing into your physical best self is one very important way that helps to create magnetism. If you invest in yourself, others will too. As you feel stronger, you will feel sexier. When you give off this improved feeling of sexiness, people unconsciously pick up on it. They come into contact with you because the energy feels good and they want some for their selves as well. You know the people that are in maximum top shape that you just can’t keep your eyes off? Why not be this person. We all have the ability to maximize our own potential, and it’s the effort that matters most in terms of magnetism.

Don’t feel up to it? Want to put it off? Then you really don’t want the best for yourself at this time. You don’t want the life you think you deserve. And you don’t want to feel happy and have the awesome sex that you could be having. When you do want these things, when you have finally had enough of the same life, then get your ass up and into the gym. Hire the trainer.

Feeling down? Take it out on the weights. Feeling lethargic? Then go for a run, get your blood pumping. Eventually it will become automatic; and then watch and wait how others react to you. The compliments, the looks, all the added benefits of your hard work paying off as you designed and planned for it. This is your time to win and get what you want. Take what is yours.

Learn to think how fit people think. Have you ever thought to yourself, “what drives some people to get up at 6 or 7am and hit the gym before work”? Well it’s actually quite simple. The gym MAKES YOU FEEL good. It increases what I call your “PERSONAL POWER”. This is your magnetism to people, places, things and events. Every time you hit the gym, go for a run, swim, or head to yoga class you become more powerful in this world. These people understand that good feelings attract other good things. The gym is one of only very few things in this world to give you a positive return, and every single time. You can’t lose by getting and staying in shape. If you love yourself, then you will get moving. When you get moving people pick up on the fact that you respect and love yourself and unconsciously think, “Hey why is this person so special? I might just want to find out why.” And of course this doesn’t include the pages long list I could write on the health benefits.

Respect yourself and your body and it’s only natural for the world to follow along. Of course not everybody will but the ones worthy will. And who will most likely respect your efforts? Probably other fit and in shape people as well because since they also live this lifestyle they understand the dedication, discipline and motivation it takes to get the job done. Let me tell you an uncomfortable truth you may not want to hear; sex is a physical act, which means that people in shape will have an easier physical time having sex. And this is sexy. Sex tends to be a little hotter with tight, hard and in shape people. Not just from looks but from the actual touch of their bodies. If you add on the confidence most people gain by losing weight and gaining muscle then you have a perfect combination for improving your overall sexiness. Now, lets’ get moving. You have nothing to lose, except the weight.