The First Step to becoming a STUD
I have been racking my brain, meditating, and asking my business coaches and friends: what is the piece that I am missing here? I have clients that take my course and people are buying my books but why is it just trickling in when I feel like people should be knocking down my door? As far as I know I’m the only guy in the world that can GUARANTEE my clients will have a DRAMATIC INCREASE in their self-confidence, and where it really matters to us.
90% of my clients have a significant relationship within a year of taking my course. 90 freaking percent! The other 10% you mention? Yup, well after taking my course they decided that they would finally live it up and ENJOY their single life for maybe the first time in their lives. It still blows my mind. I know guys that are getting married or are now living with their partners and it lifts me the fuck up knowing I had even if just a little piece of setting them on that path.
BUT, they all did the first step to becoming a STUD before I even spoke to them. This is really what started to change their lives.
So what the fuck are we waiting for? What is this first step!?
THE FIRST STEP TO BECOMING A STUD IS BEING MAN ENOUGH AND COURAGEOUS ENOUGH TO RECOGNIZE WE NEED HELP AND THEN TAKE ACTION. EITHER BY SEEKING OUT INFORMATION OR FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON WHO HAS THE KNOWLEDGE WE NEED TO CHANGE AND GROW. WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT THINGS ARE NOT WORKING, AND THAT IF WE DO NOT CHANGE THEY NEVER WILL.
STUDs all have one thing in common: they realize they don’t know it all and never can. They have the ability to check their ego enough to investigate and then soak up information they need to get bigger, faster, better, stronger, wiser, more passionate, become a better lover, ANYTHING.
Remembering back in my desperate and lonely days, this was the thing that changed my life. I remember thinking, Is this all there is to life? Is this as good as it gets? Then it hit me, some people out there are living happier, healthier, better lives. They seem to always have women or men after them and they seem to really be happy and fulfilled. I had to find out how they were doing it. So I summoned the courage, and for me, I started to read books on confidence, relationships, dating, spirituality, happiness – and to this day, I STILL READ AND AM STILL LEARNING about all of these same things.
So. Are we willing today to take the FIRST STEP TO BECOMING A STUD? ARE WE WILLING TO ADMIT WE DO NOT KNOW IT ALL? Are we willing to admit that we are all teachers in this universe but as well we are all learners at times?
We can do this. We can step out of our comfort zones today and say, “alright, I’m here. Now let’s learn something and then never stop learning.”
Trust me it will be one of the best decisions of your entire life.
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Being single is just as awesome as being in a relationship – if you are doing it right! That being said, if you do want to switch things up and be in a relationship and have struggled with this for 3 or more years, here are the top 10 reasons why this may be why. Enjoy!
You’re not willing to give others your time and energy
- Relationships involve putting in effort, sometimes even when it is not convenient for you. You may spend hours every day on Tinder, POF or Grindr, and/or you go to the bars on weekends searching for that special somebody. But when it comes to making a date- if you can’t even push your gym time back half an hour to fit them in, it is a clear sign that you don’t realize what relationships are all about, and what keeps them together. There are countless upon countless of super sexy, successful men and women out there. Month after month goes by, then year after year goes by and they still wonder. “Why am I still single when I have so much awesomeness going on”? If this sounds like you, consider this point carefully. If you live in a large city and can’t seem to find a date on Friday night can you really blame the millions of other people out there? Of course not. The only common denominator in all of your relationships (or lack thereof) is you. There are plenty of great catches out there, perhaps you just haven’t taken the quality time with them because you have been slightly self-absorbed. That’s okay, the minute you start to give others a real chance, open up, and be willing to give them your time and energy—the world of love might just open its doors to you.
You keep doing the same daily routine and expecting different results
2. This sounds like common sense. But is it really? If you go to the same places, on the same days, and go online on the same sites at the same times every day, you are literally looking at the same pool of fish, day in and day out. It’s time to mix it up. Go out on the other end of town this weekend. Connect with a different group of friends. You have absolutely nothing to lose here. Go a step farther and look at your life and see what ways you could do to possibly see an increase of new faces and meet new people. It’s simple math here; increase the odds of love in your favor.
You don’t have any interest in your own life. No hobbies, no interests. So why would they have an interest in you, if you don’t?
3. If you spend more time creeping others’ lives on the internet other than on working and living in your own life, it is a clear sign that you have lost interest in your own life. If you are not creating your own path and bringing others into it, others are bringing you into theirs. Keep a nice balance. What would being interested in your own life look like? Well for one thing you wouldn’t be on your phone all the time. You would be paying attention to what is happening in the here and now. This one I am working on these days and it is not easy!
You don’t love yourself and the world is following suit
4. When we love ourselves, we give off a special aura of confidence people enjoy being around. Do you REALLY love yourself and think you are amazing? If you don’t, try showing yourself some true love. Eat healthy, exercise, and don’t forget to feed your soul (meditate, walks in nature) and your mind (learning new skills, books). You give and you get. Not the other way around. Take care of yourself and watch how others start to pay a little more attention to you. If you don’t know where to start, that’s okay, reach out to a recommended professional.
You are in a stagnant relationship that you are too afraid to let go of
5. Playing it safe is great for a lot of people. If this is you nothing I write will change that. I can tell you though that you will never ever find that game changing partner if you are clinging on to a past that isn’t serving you anymore.
You have become bitter and jaded, cynical
6. Nobody likes to be around a Debbie Downer. Your friends will put up with you and your family will encourage you to pick up your feet in life. But the bottom line is, people that have a positive outlook and fun attitude attract others while negativity pushes others away. Get over yourself. You were never really hurt in the past, your ego was. Let it go and get back out there and try to enjoy this short time you have here. You’re only going to be this age once in your life so it’s a good idea to be making the most of it.
You have lost faith
7. Yes you have had some bad break ups and have run into some serious assholes. I’m sorry for that, nobody deserves that, really. But if you have given up on finding a partner in this life that is a sure fire way to get exactly that, nothing. To gain big you have to be willing to keep loving the world, without expectations, even when things don’t go as planned.
Your belief systems hold you in place and reinforce your doubts
8. We often have experiences in life and because of such, treat them as the ultimate “truth” of the world. The problem with this is that once we have a specific set of programming in our brain, we unconsciously do everything we can to see and validate these “truths.” If we go out with a few girls/guys that are extremely superficial and come to the conclusion that “all men or woman are superficial”, we set ourselves up for failure and to repeat the same process. Why? Because our brains are always working and we want to be “right” about how we feel. So we seek out the energy of yet another superficial person because it already fits into a story we “know” and are familiar with, while ignoring the down to earth guys or girls and unchartered territory that comes along with it. The result: you once again become validated in your thoughts that you are “right” in your belief and opinion about this, and meet yet another superficial person that you are frustrated with. The problem with this cycle is IT DOESN’T serve you and it’s definitely not the same experience all of us are having. There are plenty of down to earth awesome guys/gals out there; having THIS belief in my brain empowers me, helps me feel good, and puts me in a position of strength to have the correlating experiences that come along with it. You have to be willing to see outside of your own limiting experiences and look at the glass half full if you want different results.
9. Bad breathe and bad body odor are deal breakers for a lot of people. Some guys take this “natural smell” thing a little far. If it’s sour smelling, for the love of God take a shower. When it comes to bad breathe, if you aren’t brushing 3 times daily and flossing then you run the risk of others backing away when you are talking to them….and you can forget any type of kissing. The same runs true with colognes and perfumes. Keep those to a minimum. How do you know if you stink or not? Ask a really great friend to give you some honest truth.
You just haven’t met them yet
10. Relax. Single life is awesome. If YOUR single life is awesome, then it’s likely you don’t really care when your next big loving relationship will come along. It’s also very likely that others will want to be a part of your awesome life. Breakups happen all the time and we are all in the process of life. Enjoy the ride and don’t get stuck in singledom or in a stagnant relationship. Once you have mastered the art of love people will come into your life with ease, and you can flow from being single to being in a relationship (and vice versa) with ease, grace and joy!
You walk into a club, feeling fresh and fine, say hi to the door guy you know, wave to a few friends, and then BAM! it hits you like a ton of bricks, a huge waft of man smell. Question is, are you into this? The debate has been going on for ages, should guys wear deodorant? Girls, guys? Please let us know! Cologne? Or has this all gone way too far. Myself, I like a bit of man smell, depending on the person, the time and the place. I also like some guys that wear small hints of cologne, it acts almost as a unique calling card. Each smell so unique. When taken too far, the BO thing can be a nightmare. I’ve left a few parties after I’ve gone into a pro-fetish environment and had to leave immediately after coming across an overpowering sour scent. Dude, that’s not hot at that point, you need a shower.
Hygiene is very important when it comes to man smell. A guy who is in good shape and eats healthy will tend to give off a man smell that’s simply irresistible to the ladies and the gentlemen out there. When the body is getting rid of too many access toxins, it could spell trouble for those sexy aromas you wish to produce. Keep this in mind when deciding on the deodorant next Saturday night, it may not be your week to test the waters of your scent.
Remember time and place too gentleman. I was once talking about a professional manner about a colleague, “do you know that guy, he’s awesome you guys might be able to work together” I said . He replied with “is that the guy who always smells like BO?” From this story alone guys, always make sure you have deodorant on in professional settings, with colleagues, and in public spaces. I’ve almost lost my lunch a few times when taking the subway and a man or woman stinks a heavy stank of rottenness. Can’t you smell that?? My eyes are watering!
Enjoy finding your perfect man smell! The woman or man of your dreams may just find you irresistible, when you have mastered the art of man smell.
There’s a silent epidemic happening and it really needs to stop: Apps, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat; there’s a bazillion ways to connect with people these days. We can send a PM, a like, a woof, or we can swipe left and right among other things, and this is all great. “The hottest person I’ve ever seen in my life started following me on Instagram. YaY!”
As always, with the great comes responsibility and privilege, and we are wasting this opportunity. Think of all the super hotties you know that seem to be chronically single: How does this happen? Can you think of a few people that seem to have the perfect outer shell, decent career, yet don’t seem to have a date most Friday nights? I’m about to let you in on a little secret, for you consistently single heart breaking hotties out there. Sorry trolls, there’s nothing to learn here for you in this post, so feel free to move along.
Every SINGLE quality that we have as an identity has a good and bad side. A double edge sword exists with every label we give ourselves and to others. In this case, being a looker as a man these days with the ripped bod can act as a weight, holding us back. Why? Because, as we all know, attractive people have it a little easier in this world. People are constantly trying to meet us, to be friends with us; and in lots of cases, to hire. The drawback is when we don’t develop our social skills with everybody else. We simply don’t need to most of the time, so sometimes we end up lacking the ability to communicate efficiently. We don’t have to be funny to cope with our feelings, and we never make the attempt at a joke, or we aren’t interesting in conversation because we will get invited to the parties regardless. But, when it comes to relationships, looks become just one of many qualities that can help create a romantic relationship and/or keep it together. If looks are all we have to offer, we’re doomed to be alone.
In some more severe cases, the hottie never has to make any effort in any of his friendships and relationships – over time, they don’t gain the ability and skills to ask people out on dates. They forget to check in on good friends. They don’t realize that they need to make an effort, to plan, or to bring other things to the table with people, so they don’t. They just wait till the other person does, and they usually do; but, eventually, they stop. Around them people have been growing, evolving and developing. The really great catches we want are hot too; but not only that, they want a connection, they want to feel wanted, they need to see effort and investment or they won’t be willing to do the same. The same thing applies to friendships: If it is one sided for too long one by one they will drop off. The good news is we can avoid this.
Guys, now is the time to look at how we are operating in all of our relationships; this includes family, friends, lovers. Are we making an effort in each of these? Are we taking responsibility for our lives in the areas where it matters? Or, are we letting the others do all of the work? I’m not saying overkill and be constantly texting and needy, here. I’m saying if you are hot and lonely, maybe this is one area you could improve upon. Grownups don’t have a lot of time, and they will simply stop investing in people that are not willing to invest in them.
Selfishness will get us nowhere in the long run.
So, STUDs, get out there and get some balance back in your life: Plan a dinner with a friend, ask somebody out. It’s your turn! Don’t miss out on your opportunity.
Give and you shall receive. Give your love and energy out into the world and I promise you will always have amazing people surrounding you.
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I was recently the runner up; 2nd place. Not in the driver’s seat. Having fun moments with somebody I found special, then being disappointed the next. Almost everybody in their lives will go through a situation in which they feel like the runner up. If a certain person was not in their lust interest’s lives, THEY would be the one invited to Christmas dinner, THEY would be invited to their lust interest’s cousin’s wedding. Instead, they get a hot romp once in a while and maybe the odd date. I want to talk about this to help people maneuver through this difficult and confusing time.
First, congratulations! It can be rare to find somebody that makes your heart flutter, and it’s awesome you are getting these moments to share with them. Take a moment to be grateful for these. Maybe this is all this is ever meant to be; that’s okay if you let it be and are not putting yourself in harm’s way.
Second, congratulations! Going through these ups and downs are going to prove critical in your relationship growth and experience. Not only are you reevaluating your boundaries with others, you are discovering what you like and dislike, and want in a relationship. These will be useful for this particular relationship later on, or the next one if you decide to move on (or they do).
Now we need an action plan! I wouldn’t ever leave you hanging!
If you find yourself in this position, I recommend these steps to keep your self-respect high, and move yourself forward towards a healthy relationship. It may not be with this particular person, no one can force someone to like them. If two people are meant to be together to share and to learn, they will be. There must always be a willingness between the two parties.
1. Come up with a 3 strike rule: 3 things you definitely CANNOT and WILL NOT put up with this particular person and relationship. If they get 3 strikes, they are outta here! For example: when I think I’m a runner-up with the person I want to be with; one penalty is “if they invite somebody else instead of me to a special occasion.” If this person does this and I feel left out, I DO NOT get all DRAMA, I don’t even mention it to them. I give them one imaginary strike and move on. Simple as that. I haven’t left it, but I’m also not completely putting up with it. I’m saying to myself that this is something that I know I don’t want.
2. Commit to the strikes you have laid out. IF THEY GET 3 STRIKES, as hot as they may be, you have to move on. This is according to the rules you’ve laid out in your strikes. You need to respect and honor yourself, always and forever. The 3 strikes rule helps guide you through this while having concrete evidence to look back on and make an adult decision.
3. Actually move on. Don’t initiate conversations. Feel free to respond, but it’s time to no longer put in any effort, they already proved they aren’t what you’re after. OR…..
Be open to changing the type of relationship you want with this person.
If 3 strikes happen, dating them seriously is out of the picture. That doesn’t mean you can’t revisit this at a later date. For example, if, by some miracle, they change as a person through their individual experiences, or they split with the person that is their priority interest. Striking out it means it’s definitely not the right time now. If you can disassociate feelings with sex, maybe this person can just be a play thing, or just meant to be a friend or snuggle buddy (somebody who comes over and watches movies or sleeps without the sexual contact).
If you decide from your 3 strike rule this person is definitely not right to be “the one,” it is still very possible that they can just be somebody you have a fun or hot time with once in a while. Is this really so bad? I mean, isn’t that exactly what they have decided to do with you? Sit with this thought for a bit. I don’t mean use them; that would also be disrespecting yourself. I’m saying have an adult conversation where you are both redefining the type of relationship in a way that is not disrespecting either of you. You both can gain something which still leaves room for this unique new relationship to evolve as well. Both parties being completely “in” on it and conscious of it (not fooling themselves). In the meantime, you should definitely be dating and looking elsewhere for that special somebody.
WHAT NOT TO DO
• What NOT TO DO: Manipulate them into what you want. People try this all the time and perhaps they will have fleeting moments of success, but the end result will be nothing more than a distrust and a distant type of relationship in the end. It’s never worth it. By manipulating others you indirectly lower your own respect level even if you don’t notice this, at first. When you lose respect for yourself, others will soon follow suit. We must hold ourselves to a higher standard. If we don’t feel we deserve a healthy, happy relationship and don’t act accordingly, we will find ourselves further and further away from the things that matter most to us.
• What NOT TO DO: Continue along while doing nothing, and being disappointed time and time again. This will result in a breakdown of your self-esteem that may take years to recover. YOU ARE ENOUGH and DESERVE SOMEBODY AMAZING TO LOVE YOU.
• What NOT TO DO: Fight or Flight response. There is something that brought the two of you together, try to find out at least what that was before you move on. Ask yourself, “What have I learned here? What have I learned from being with this person?” Once you know the answer, feel free to move on.
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Practical Life Coaching: For more information or for assistance and coaching through this type of dating challenge, visit www.studtraining101.com .