Being single is just as awesome as being in a relationship – if you are doing it right! That being said, if you do want to switch things up and be in a relationship and have struggled with this for 3 or more years, here are the top 10 reasons why this may be why. Enjoy!
You’re not willing to give others your time and energy
- Relationships involve putting in effort, sometimes even when it is not convenient for you. You may spend hours every day on Tinder, POF or Grindr, and/or you go to the bars on weekends searching for that special somebody. But when it comes to making a date- if you can’t even push your gym time back half an hour to fit them in, it is a clear sign that you don’t realize what relationships are all about, and what keeps them together. There are countless upon countless of super sexy, successful men and women out there. Month after month goes by, then year after year goes by and they still wonder. “Why am I still single when I have so much awesomeness going on”? If this sounds like you, consider this point carefully. If you live in a large city and can’t seem to find a date on Friday night can you really blame the millions of other people out there? Of course not. The only common denominator in all of your relationships (or lack thereof) is you. There are plenty of great catches out there, perhaps you just haven’t taken the quality time with them because you have been slightly self-absorbed. That’s okay, the minute you start to give others a real chance, open up, and be willing to give them your time and energy—the world of love might just open its doors to you.
You keep doing the same daily routine and expecting different results
2. This sounds like common sense. But is it really? If you go to the same places, on the same days, and go online on the same sites at the same times every day, you are literally looking at the same pool of fish, day in and day out. It’s time to mix it up. Go out on the other end of town this weekend. Connect with a different group of friends. You have absolutely nothing to lose here. Go a step farther and look at your life and see what ways you could do to possibly see an increase of new faces and meet new people. It’s simple math here; increase the odds of love in your favor.
You don’t have any interest in your own life. No hobbies, no interests. So why would they have an interest in you, if you don’t?
3. If you spend more time creeping others’ lives on the internet other than on working and living in your own life, it is a clear sign that you have lost interest in your own life. If you are not creating your own path and bringing others into it, others are bringing you into theirs. Keep a nice balance. What would being interested in your own life look like? Well for one thing you wouldn’t be on your phone all the time. You would be paying attention to what is happening in the here and now. This one I am working on these days and it is not easy!
You don’t love yourself and the world is following suit
4. When we love ourselves, we give off a special aura of confidence people enjoy being around. Do you REALLY love yourself and think you are amazing? If you don’t, try showing yourself some true love. Eat healthy, exercise, and don’t forget to feed your soul (meditate, walks in nature) and your mind (learning new skills, books). You give and you get. Not the other way around. Take care of yourself and watch how others start to pay a little more attention to you. If you don’t know where to start, that’s okay, reach out to a recommended professional.
You are in a stagnant relationship that you are too afraid to let go of
5. Playing it safe is great for a lot of people. If this is you nothing I write will change that. I can tell you though that you will never ever find that game changing partner if you are clinging on to a past that isn’t serving you anymore.
You have become bitter and jaded, cynical
6. Nobody likes to be around a Debbie Downer. Your friends will put up with you and your family will encourage you to pick up your feet in life. But the bottom line is, people that have a positive outlook and fun attitude attract others while negativity pushes others away. Get over yourself. You were never really hurt in the past, your ego was. Let it go and get back out there and try to enjoy this short time you have here. You’re only going to be this age once in your life so it’s a good idea to be making the most of it.
You have lost faith
7. Yes you have had some bad break ups and have run into some serious assholes. I’m sorry for that, nobody deserves that, really. But if you have given up on finding a partner in this life that is a sure fire way to get exactly that, nothing. To gain big you have to be willing to keep loving the world, without expectations, even when things don’t go as planned.
Your belief systems hold you in place and reinforce your doubts
8. We often have experiences in life and because of such, treat them as the ultimate “truth” of the world. The problem with this is that once we have a specific set of programming in our brain, we unconsciously do everything we can to see and validate these “truths.” If we go out with a few girls/guys that are extremely superficial and come to the conclusion that “all men or woman are superficial”, we set ourselves up for failure and to repeat the same process. Why? Because our brains are always working and we want to be “right” about how we feel. So we seek out the energy of yet another superficial person because it already fits into a story we “know” and are familiar with, while ignoring the down to earth guys or girls and unchartered territory that comes along with it. The result: you once again become validated in your thoughts that you are “right” in your belief and opinion about this, and meet yet another superficial person that you are frustrated with. The problem with this cycle is IT DOESN’T serve you and it’s definitely not the same experience all of us are having. There are plenty of down to earth awesome guys/gals out there; having THIS belief in my brain empowers me, helps me feel good, and puts me in a position of strength to have the correlating experiences that come along with it. You have to be willing to see outside of your own limiting experiences and look at the glass half full if you want different results.
9. Bad breathe and bad body odor are deal breakers for a lot of people. Some guys take this “natural smell” thing a little far. If it’s sour smelling, for the love of God take a shower. When it comes to bad breathe, if you aren’t brushing 3 times daily and flossing then you run the risk of others backing away when you are talking to them….and you can forget any type of kissing. The same runs true with colognes and perfumes. Keep those to a minimum. How do you know if you stink or not? Ask a really great friend to give you some honest truth.
You just haven’t met them yet
10. Relax. Single life is awesome. If YOUR single life is awesome, then it’s likely you don’t really care when your next big loving relationship will come along. It’s also very likely that others will want to be a part of your awesome life. Breakups happen all the time and we are all in the process of life. Enjoy the ride and don’t get stuck in singledom or in a stagnant relationship. Once you have mastered the art of love people will come into your life with ease, and you can flow from being single to being in a relationship (and vice versa) with ease, grace and joy!
I was recently the runner up; 2nd place. Not in the driver’s seat. Having fun moments with somebody I found special, then being disappointed the next. Almost everybody in their lives will go through a situation in which they feel like the runner up. If a certain person was not in their lust interest’s lives, THEY would be the one invited to Christmas dinner, THEY would be invited to their lust interest’s cousin’s wedding. Instead, they get a hot romp once in a while and maybe the odd date. I want to talk about this to help people maneuver through this difficult and confusing time.
First, congratulations! It can be rare to find somebody that makes your heart flutter, and it’s awesome you are getting these moments to share with them. Take a moment to be grateful for these. Maybe this is all this is ever meant to be; that’s okay if you let it be and are not putting yourself in harm’s way.
Second, congratulations! Going through these ups and downs are going to prove critical in your relationship growth and experience. Not only are you reevaluating your boundaries with others, you are discovering what you like and dislike, and want in a relationship. These will be useful for this particular relationship later on, or the next one if you decide to move on (or they do).
Now we need an action plan! I wouldn’t ever leave you hanging!
If you find yourself in this position, I recommend these steps to keep your self-respect high, and move yourself forward towards a healthy relationship. It may not be with this particular person, no one can force someone to like them. If two people are meant to be together to share and to learn, they will be. There must always be a willingness between the two parties.
1. Come up with a 3 strike rule: 3 things you definitely CANNOT and WILL NOT put up with this particular person and relationship. If they get 3 strikes, they are outta here! For example: when I think I’m a runner-up with the person I want to be with; one penalty is “if they invite somebody else instead of me to a special occasion.” If this person does this and I feel left out, I DO NOT get all DRAMA, I don’t even mention it to them. I give them one imaginary strike and move on. Simple as that. I haven’t left it, but I’m also not completely putting up with it. I’m saying to myself that this is something that I know I don’t want.
2. Commit to the strikes you have laid out. IF THEY GET 3 STRIKES, as hot as they may be, you have to move on. This is according to the rules you’ve laid out in your strikes. You need to respect and honor yourself, always and forever. The 3 strikes rule helps guide you through this while having concrete evidence to look back on and make an adult decision.
3. Actually move on. Don’t initiate conversations. Feel free to respond, but it’s time to no longer put in any effort, they already proved they aren’t what you’re after. OR…..
Be open to changing the type of relationship you want with this person.
If 3 strikes happen, dating them seriously is out of the picture. That doesn’t mean you can’t revisit this at a later date. For example, if, by some miracle, they change as a person through their individual experiences, or they split with the person that is their priority interest. Striking out it means it’s definitely not the right time now. If you can disassociate feelings with sex, maybe this person can just be a play thing, or just meant to be a friend or snuggle buddy (somebody who comes over and watches movies or sleeps without the sexual contact).
If you decide from your 3 strike rule this person is definitely not right to be “the one,” it is still very possible that they can just be somebody you have a fun or hot time with once in a while. Is this really so bad? I mean, isn’t that exactly what they have decided to do with you? Sit with this thought for a bit. I don’t mean use them; that would also be disrespecting yourself. I’m saying have an adult conversation where you are both redefining the type of relationship in a way that is not disrespecting either of you. You both can gain something which still leaves room for this unique new relationship to evolve as well. Both parties being completely “in” on it and conscious of it (not fooling themselves). In the meantime, you should definitely be dating and looking elsewhere for that special somebody.
WHAT NOT TO DO
• What NOT TO DO: Manipulate them into what you want. People try this all the time and perhaps they will have fleeting moments of success, but the end result will be nothing more than a distrust and a distant type of relationship in the end. It’s never worth it. By manipulating others you indirectly lower your own respect level even if you don’t notice this, at first. When you lose respect for yourself, others will soon follow suit. We must hold ourselves to a higher standard. If we don’t feel we deserve a healthy, happy relationship and don’t act accordingly, we will find ourselves further and further away from the things that matter most to us.
• What NOT TO DO: Continue along while doing nothing, and being disappointed time and time again. This will result in a breakdown of your self-esteem that may take years to recover. YOU ARE ENOUGH and DESERVE SOMEBODY AMAZING TO LOVE YOU.
• What NOT TO DO: Fight or Flight response. There is something that brought the two of you together, try to find out at least what that was before you move on. Ask yourself, “What have I learned here? What have I learned from being with this person?” Once you know the answer, feel free to move on.
Purchase “Sex, Love & Confidence” here:
Practical Life Coaching: For more information or for assistance and coaching through this type of dating challenge, visit www.studtraining101.com .
Get a trainer. Looking into a personal trainer looks extremely expensive at first glance. Not all trainers are worth this money, but the ones who are, are worth every single penny. Get references from friends who have worked with trainers before to find out which one might work for you. When you learn to work out properly, have somebody to help motivate you, and can teach you a variety of exercises, you will maximize your results. Above all, it just makes sense to get an awesome trainer as you will end up saving hundreds if not thousands of dollars, and countless hours of wasted time in the gym. As you get the results you want you have paid for with your time and money, you will gain happiness and confidence to reach even further.
Investing into your physical best self is one very important way that helps to create magnetism. If you invest in yourself, others will too. As you feel stronger, you will feel sexier. When you give off this improved feeling of sexiness, people unconsciously pick up on it. They come into contact with you because the energy feels good and they want some for their selves as well. You know the people that are in maximum top shape that you just can’t keep your eyes off? Why not be this person. We all have the ability to maximize our own potential, and it’s the effort that matters most in terms of magnetism.
Don’t feel up to it? Want to put it off? Then you really don’t want the best for yourself at this time. You don’t want the life you think you deserve. And you don’t want to feel happy and have the awesome sex that you could be having. When you do want these things, when you have finally had enough of the same life, then get your ass up and into the gym. Hire the trainer.
Feeling down? Take it out on the weights. Feeling lethargic? Then go for a run, get your blood pumping. Eventually it will become automatic; and then watch and wait how others react to you. The compliments, the looks, all the added benefits of your hard work paying off as you designed and planned for it. This is your time to win and get what you want. Take what is yours.
Learn to think how fit people think. Have you ever thought to yourself, “what drives some people to get up at 6 or 7am and hit the gym before work”? Well it’s actually quite simple. The gym MAKES YOU FEEL good. It increases what I call your “PERSONAL POWER”. This is your magnetism to people, places, things and events. Every time you hit the gym, go for a run, swim, or head to yoga class you become more powerful in this world. These people understand that good feelings attract other good things. The gym is one of only very few things in this world to give you a positive return, and every single time. You can’t lose by getting and staying in shape. If you love yourself, then you will get moving. When you get moving people pick up on the fact that you respect and love yourself and unconsciously think, “Hey why is this person so special? I might just want to find out why.” And of course this doesn’t include the pages long list I could write on the health benefits.
Respect yourself and your body and it’s only natural for the world to follow along. Of course not everybody will but the ones worthy will. And who will most likely respect your efforts? Probably other fit and in shape people as well because since they also live this lifestyle they understand the dedication, discipline and motivation it takes to get the job done. Let me tell you an uncomfortable truth you may not want to hear; sex is a physical act, which means that people in shape will have an easier physical time having sex. And this is sexy. Sex tends to be a little hotter with tight, hard and in shape people. Not just from looks but from the actual touch of their bodies. If you add on the confidence most people gain by losing weight and gaining muscle then you have a perfect combination for improving your overall sexiness. Now, lets’ get moving. You have nothing to lose, except the weight.
What I do:
I help men achieve a dramatically improved self worth, self image and a greater sense of connection; this improves their relationships and helps to create new potential ones.
I provide a framework and tools so the Studs In Training become more true to their authentic self and thrive in a new world of possibilities.
Why I do this:
I LOVE seeing positive change when guys decide to take their lives to the next level. The physical/mental and spiritual growth inspires me in return to continue to strive for my own best life. Sharing my experiences and skill set gives me a sense of true purpose and sense of connection with my clients.
I help bring out the STUD in YOU.
Please email firstname.lastname@example.org to register for the course Stud Training 101 (not all applicants will be suitable for this course)
Hi there and thanks for checking out Stud Training 101. This blog provides useful tips on sexiness, physical/mental/spiritual well being and also the actual application of these. For example, why IS meditation so powerful, why do I care about it, and how does this help me get laid or find somebody I want to connect with??
You may have seen this on TV, Facebook or heard about it through a friend or website and wondered what this REALLY is all about!!
Well, what exactly is a STUD? We see examples of them every day on TV and around us in the clubs and at our work place. They enter a room with confidence, strong posture and a magnetism that seems to attract people to them. They engage in what looks like FUN and meaningful conversations with their friends, family members, co-workers, and even perfect strangers. Behind closed doors a STUD is fulfilled and feels happy- this is not just a “front” to put on in public. A STUD engages in AUTHENTIC behavior and is always on a quest to improve his life and happiness. YES, like everybody a STUD goes through ups and downs; but as he improves his skills and continues to work towards loving his life and his self these down times become fewer and further between and less painful, and are consistently being replaced with fun, intimate, perhaps sexual and purposeful experiences.
Is this you; are you a STUD??
If so, great…. if not- and there are some areas that could use some improvements- then Stud Training 101 is for YOU!!
The actual course provides 1 on 1 support to set the participants life on a crash course for dramatically improved self confidence, self image, improved physical/mental attractiveness and improved social relationships.
So, are you ready to go after what you REALLY want out of life????