Fear holds us back from most things in life. Not just fear of failure but usually fear of success. When we succeed, things have to change and that can be hard to visualize and be at peace with the lack of control; so we sometimes get stuck in a cycle of making the same mistakes and taking the same actions over and over again, keeping us where we are comfortable, which can eventually feel depressing. This is where courage comes in.
Each of us has a hero inside of us waiting to come out. Maybe we don’t have to save the damsel in distress from a burning building, but our individual paths call for courage, every single day. Our level of happiness is completely dependent on how willing we are to face our own individual challenges. Something as simple as calling up a loved one can be uncomfortable and terrifying for some while others see it as joy and do it often. Some can get up in front of an audience and speak and maybe even sing while others cringe at the thought of it while they hide in the back row avoiding to be called upon. But somehow the path we have chosen has set up individual challenges for us to go through. When we succeed in our own tests, we move forward to a more comfortable, happier place in life- with brand new challenges awaiting us. When we focus just on our own challenges in our personal lives, we open up opportunities. When we become our own hero, the world changes around us through our new perspective.
So today, right now, be the hero in your own life. Take control over your own happiness. Call that friend you have lost touch with you would like to reconnect with, forgive somebody to take the stress off yourself, do one thing outside of your comfort zone, take one small action step towards your new and improved life.
“The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them”- Einstein
Like everybody, I’m working on this one and usually prefer not to have it. We often see conflict as a negative thing. It’s bad and we don’t want it. And it’s easy to see why. War, death and destruction come to mind. In our everyday lives though conflict happens all the time and we still only tend to see the negative aspects of this and I would like to share a different side.
Conflict just “is”. What it does do for sure, is change the status quo of what is happening. When conflict happens nothing is going to be the same again; it mixes and shakes things up. Sometimes this is necessary to learn something new about the other person; sometimes it’s necessary to learn something deep within ourselves. Sometimes conflict is necessary to make room for bigger and better things and set you on an entirely different course you never would have otherwise.
Questions to ask after a conflict: How did I act as the conflict was taking place? Did I maintain my integrity and my love and warmth and understanding for others or did I lash out? Was I focused on a solution or did I get distracted on trying to hurt the other person because of my own hurt feelings? Did I maintain belief in myself that I will be okay regardless of the situation? Was I speaking from a place of forgiveness?
If you feel you need to run from conflict or avoid it completely, then you could be in for some very troubling times when it comes to others and any relationship. Trust yourself in times of “battle”, hold steady, don’t let the other person break who you are and what you want to stand for in this world. A trick to getting better at conflict and to see what lessons are really to be learned, is to sit with the conflict- stall it- let the tension exist without acting (unless you are in potential physical danger of course then remove yourself). In this moment of tension lots of great wisdom can be gained. Try it and see for yourself how you can grow when conflict comes up again in your life. It might just contain the next great life lesson for you.
Your state of consciousness may just be the single most important factor in attracting and maintaining any sort of relationship. When we feel engaged and connected with the universe people can’t help but feel at ease around us and want to be around us. Ever wonder why people say “it will come when you least expect it??” What they really mean is- it will come when you are fully engaged, happy and connected with life. When you are connected and engaged people are attracted to you and don’t even know why.
What do I mean by this?
To help explain this it might be easier to show what NOT to do first. Take for example; you are at a party and somebody has had WAY too much to drink, how attractive do they really look as a long term partner or friend, do you really want to be babysitting them?? The same goes for anybody who is constantly “unconscious”, unengaged, or disconnected it could also be called. Ex. The person who is on facebook or grinder all the time- disconnected. Ex. the person high on weed all the time- also disconnected. Drinking booze every day? Also disconnected. The more we ‘disconnect’ the further we get away from what we are really looking for in life- to feel whole and feel like a part of something. I’m not just talking at the level of addiction, I’m talking at every level and moment we are NOT connected. The more we are distracted in some sort of activity or way, the FURTHER we are from where we want to be and to the people we want to be with.
So how do we change this? First off we have to recognize how we escape in daily life- ALL of the ways and yes there are ALOT!! TV that’s mind numbing, books or magazines that don’t teach us anything, caffeine, cigarettes, prescription drugs, drugs and alcohol are the most common. The more we use these as a crutch for boredom or to numb our feelings (which whether we realize it or not is most of the time) the further we get away from those awesome feelings of connectedness with the world and the more we repel others.
What’s the opposite of this?? Meditation and engaging in fun and interesting engaging activities. Yes there is a reason why meditation has been around for so long and continues to grow. When in a state of real meditation you are connected to the universe. You have a sense of AWARENESS and are conscious of what is happening around you. People are drawn to you. And even better, when in a state of pure meditation it is possible you DONT even feel the NEED to be physically near others. The same feelings of love, connectedness and wholeness can be attained through pure meditation alone. This is why meditation is the best cure for loneliness, getting over a crush or ex, or dealing with any uncomfortable feelings. Meditation synchronizes you to the universe.
So get out in the world, learn something new. Engage fully in your life whether you are by yourself or with somebody else; pay attention, listen, and watch how your life slowly begins to change.
I’m discovering being comfortable with our uncomfortableness is the key to making any sort of relationship and keeping it; if we do so desire. When we meet some people we are instantly at ease. These people may become friends or acquaintances we will speak to from time to time in the odd social setting. Funny though, when it comes to people we want to date this isn’t often the feeling we look for first. We prefer excitement, tension, and uneasiness. Will this person like me? Am I even in ‘their league’? If I call them will they bother calling me back? This is awesome! It’s important to sit with this for a moment; at first when we meet a potential dating/sex partner we LOVE the tension, excitement and unease, but this can quickly change. This unease can be fun at first but then can get exhausting, thought consuming and can lead to anxiousness if things don’t develop close or fast enough with our conscious or subconscious “expectations.” And this is what sets a STUD apart from the rest; the ability to deal with this uncomfortableness and uncertainty. A person who is confident, knows what he wants and where he is going has an easier time, and perhaps even will ENJOY this tension while he gets to know this potential other to see if it will be something worth continuing. On the other hand, a person who isn’t confident finds the tension in the times apart from this potential partner NOT FUN. They are anxious for things to move forward and move to a place of CERTAINTY where they know where things stand and if they will be valued. Well the problem is- nothing in life is certain. And in fact most of the best things in life come from reveling in this area of uncertainty and uncomfortableness. We don’t just see this in relationship building. I’m starting to see this everywhere. The next time you meet a special interest or potential friend remember these initial feelings and what you think that person brings to your life. Don’t be so quick to act or move through it to a place of “emotional safety”. This tension helps us become stronger people and some of the characteristics of it can bring great learning and joy to our lives.
To build up your self confidence and happiness please email email@example.com for info on course or to ask a related question
This is a concept that I find personally really tough and that I need to put more effort into. I’ve improved yes. But I still catch myself saying to myself, when things aren’t going well, “what the hell is wrong with you,” “why are you such a loser” and “how could you be such a dumbass.” These are hardly productive and I know they specifically don’t work for me. I’ve personally always done my best work when people give encouragement and built up my confidence; never when they have yelled at me or put me down. So why would I still say these mean things to myself? I think for a long time it was because I didn’t know any better. Now that I am conscious of it, it is all about breaking old habits and patterns that don’t serve me.
We are all flawed in many ways. Fears, doubts and worrying if we are “good enough” for this or that can stop us dead in our tracks and can also make these original flaws seem exponentially greater than they are in reality. How we present these weaknesses though to ourselves and to the people around us can make a huge difference in our dating life and other relationships. If we don’t have enough self compassion to feel whole and loved NOW and with all of our flaws, it won’t matter who might happen to come along. The same result in the long run is the same, unhappiness and feeling disconnected. True, we can work on making ourselves better, and we should do this yes. But practising self love and self compassion is the only sure way to start on the path to long term happiness and success in our relationships. You need to exercise for YOU. You need to eat right because you love YOURSELF. You need to learn about the world around you and strive to be a more interesting person FOR YOU. If you don’t find yourself interesting- then NOBODY will. If you don’t put effort in everyday to take care and love yourself- then potential dating partners won’t either. The effort starts with you, and YES YOU DESERVE THIS.
Self compassion takes COURAGE. Give yourself a break, show yourself some caring, nurturing and understanding and start to take the necessary actions on the journey to a new and better life.
What I do:
I help men achieve a dramatically improved self worth, self image and a greater sense of connection; this improves their relationships and helps to create new potential ones.
I provide a framework and tools so the Studs In Training become more true to their authentic self and thrive in a new world of possibilities.
Why I do this:
I LOVE seeing positive change when guys decide to take their lives to the next level. The physical/mental and spiritual growth inspires me in return to continue to strive for my own best life. Sharing my experiences and skill set gives me a sense of true purpose and sense of connection with my clients.
I help bring out the STUD in YOU.
Please email firstname.lastname@example.org to register for the course Stud Training 101 (not all applicants will be suitable for this course)
Hi there and thanks for checking out Stud Training 101. This blog provides useful tips on sexiness, physical/mental/spiritual well being and also the actual application of these. For example, why IS meditation so powerful, why do I care about it, and how does this help me get laid or find somebody I want to connect with??
You may have seen this on TV, Facebook or heard about it through a friend or website and wondered what this REALLY is all about!!
Well, what exactly is a STUD? We see examples of them every day on TV and around us in the clubs and at our work place. They enter a room with confidence, strong posture and a magnetism that seems to attract people to them. They engage in what looks like FUN and meaningful conversations with their friends, family members, co-workers, and even perfect strangers. Behind closed doors a STUD is fulfilled and feels happy- this is not just a “front” to put on in public. A STUD engages in AUTHENTIC behavior and is always on a quest to improve his life and happiness. YES, like everybody a STUD goes through ups and downs; but as he improves his skills and continues to work towards loving his life and his self these down times become fewer and further between and less painful, and are consistently being replaced with fun, intimate, perhaps sexual and purposeful experiences.
Is this you; are you a STUD??
If so, great…. if not- and there are some areas that could use some improvements- then Stud Training 101 is for YOU!!
The actual course provides 1 on 1 support to set the participants life on a crash course for dramatically improved self confidence, self image, improved physical/mental attractiveness and improved social relationships.
So, are you ready to go after what you REALLY want out of life????